just checking in-

hey dudes and dudettes. how were your holidays? was santa good to you? did you have great pie?

we had a pretty nice holiday at the mister's folks place up in washington. they've got the "great cooking" genes. and the "eat a lot of great cooking and stay great looking" genes. i don't really have either of those.

i'm enjoying a few more days off before i return to work. i like not working. i like it a lot. not that the laundry gets done any more quickly, i'm not the type to take full advantage of rare free time by getting a long list of to-do's done. i prefer to sleep. and catch up on tv. and shop. ooooooooh the shopping.

anyway. it's nearly 2007. i've never had any consistent new years eve traditions. new years eve generally ends up being a flop, either because i've tried too hard to make it fabulous, or i've not tried at all, thinking fabulous will happen all on it's own.

so i'm looking for ideas. QUICK. you've got three days. gimme something good.

it's a pre-christmas MIRACLE!!!

so, one of my favorite bands of all time is Keane. i adore them. i'll spare you the gushy details.

amanda and i had tickets to see them a few months ago. we were SO excited. and that is a tremendous understatement. we had been planning for months.

then, for reasons that i don't hold against them (alright, fine, the lead singer was in rehab) the show was cancelled like, days before it was scheduled to occur.

we were devastated. which is a tremendous understatement. we held a keanmourning ceremony. it was heartbreaking.

then, just tonight, i was wasting my time online instead of working on my grad school application. and what did i discover?!?!?!?

THEY'RE COMING BACK TO US!!!!

that's right. january 29th 2007, keane will make our dreams come true. i bought the tickets immediately. and the new countdown begins.

that, and the constant prayers that Thom doesn't relapse.

yes it IS a sport!

admit it...you wish you could do this:

yes, i am lame enough to make a post from a cheesy email forward.

these are real live websites. that's all you need to know.

1.Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com

2 . Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com

5. There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com

6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales, www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com

8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site, www.speedofart.com

oh, and also.........MY NEW CAR FINALLY ARRIVED!!!! (heroin free, i might add)

breanna and the curse of the auto mall PART 2

it's been two weeks since i bought the delightful CR-V. and i'm sure you're dying to know how luxurious it feels.

so am i.

that's right, i still don't have it. the curse continues.

as it turns out, the CR-V is made in japan. when a shipment of over 100 arrived into the port of portland, it was filled with heroin.

yep. my CR-V is packed with drugs. some might consider that a bonus...more bang for my buck.

unfortunately, the authorities are detaining the entire shipment for WHO KNOWS HOW LONG to ensure that no heroin is hidden anywhere. imagine my surprise upon reclining the seat and discovering an eight ball. or whatever the street term is for heroin.

when i first heard about this, i was told it was meth. which made no sense to me. i thought meth was strictly a north portland thing? i was really confused. then yesterday i got the update that it's actually heroin. much classier if you ask me. meth should be shipped in mini vans. heroin in CR-V's and cocaine in mercedes. if i were in charge that's how i'd do it.

so the wait continues. we finally demanded that the dealership give us a "loaner" car (thanks rebecca marie for the suggestion). when we went to pick it up yesterday, they didn't have one. so they put my mister in a brand new honda accura complete with sunroof and heated leather seats. lucky him. but there's no way i was going to drive it. not with my curse still in full effect. i figured, hey, i've been driving this civic for quite awhile and haven't done anything to it, why risk it?

so that's the update. because i know you're all just holding your breath. well, the two of you who have read my blog in the last two weeks :)

breanna and the curse of the auto mall.

i needn't remind you of what happened when the mister and i went to buy our new car a few months back, right? the curse continues....

it all starts last saturday night. i was on my way home from newberg at about 10:30pm. oh...before we go any further, you should know that i've been back to driving that old truck i've had since i was 16...the mister decided that if i wanted the next new car, which i do, he should get to have the current new car. fair enough.

so i'm in the truck coming back from newberg. and the thing just stops working. seriously. it's completely dark, i'm alone and starving (as i hadn't eaten since about 7am) and exhausted from an incredibly long day. so i did what anyone would do. i cried like a baby. a few hours later, when someone was finally able to find me and pick me up (at least i had cell phone service) i was still crying.


so, sunday we headed out to the same dealership where we got the car. other than THE INCIDENT last time, this dealership was pretty great and we've enjoyed the car quite a bit. so it made sense that, since i've wanted a honda CR-V for like about 7 years now, we'd head back over. with the mister completing the test drive of course.

it's super dark and raining like crazy. we get to the dealership and everything actually goes wonderfully. we didn't crash into anything!! the only downside? the color i want isn't available until february. which sucks because february isn't an option for me. i need a car TODAY. so i sacrifice my dreams of a red cr-v, and settle for boring old silver. the other bummer? it was "in transit" so it wouldn't arrive for about a week (and i'd like to jump ahead and complain that i STILL don't have it even today! grrr)

so we head into the office to sign allllll the paperwork and hand over a lot of our money, when an employee runs in and says "do you guys own the grey '06 civic?" and we say "yes" and he says "someone just hit it in the parking lot and tried to take off."

at which point i erupted into tears again. for like, the forteenth time in 24 hours.

i am SO done with the auto mall. i clearly have pissed off the honda civic powers that be, seeing as how one is brutally attacked everytime i'm there.

so now...just sitting waiting wishing my new car would get delivered already!

a blogcation for my friends

well darlings, i've returned, slightly tanned and completely relaxed. i had a lovely time, and so i brought the vacation back for all of you sitting at your desks and on your couches in the rain and cold...

first, set your thermostat to about 86 degrees...pour yourself a glass of wine, and get comfy.

welcome to the resort!


this is where we get the wine...and the martinis. it's only thirty seconds from our room!


now we'll take a little ride down to citywalk for some great food and fun!


it's a beautiful day! there's lots to see like the biggest Hard Rock Cafe you'll find...


and just next door, our favorite place, NBA city!


look how small our hand looks in Kobe's MVP hand!


no trip to orlando would be complete without visiting Universal Studios...only we're very important people, so we get to go after they close and ride all the rides without waiting in any lines...8 times and counting friends!

and have a drink or two in between rides! cheers!


then we'll play all the games for free, and win lots of prizes for kids that aren't ours...(girlspawn i've got a fuzzy friend for you!) and we'll take a picture with the cute carnie named LUZ


now get some rest...it's back to work tomorrow and you've still got to get used to the time change!

see ya later!

i've been looking forward to this for quite awhile now...and it's finally here! in a mere 10 hours the mister and i board a plane bound for ORLANDO FLORIDA!!!

i've never been on that side of the country and i couldn't be more ready for a looooong break! and i haven't packed yet, so you get lovely florida pictures instead! see you next week!




our AMAZING hotel...portofino bay resort:


what i'll be doing most of the time:

go ahead. be jealous. every blogger gets their chance for a vacay...this is mine!

dolls are scary. need proof?

for my 13th birthday i decided to have the ultimate girl sleepover complete with messy pedicures, thirty bags of doritos and microwave s'mores. and i figured that one's 13th birthday is exactly the time to watch one's first SCAAAARRRRY movie. so off me and the little ladies went (full pajama attire) to blockbuster (remember those? they were these stores that let you browse around and rent movies for a few days...) and trekked down the horror film aisle. and what did we choose?



we all giggled at how silly it would be. how dumb. by the time we were 20 minutes in...we were all silent in terror, hoping no one else would notice the trembling and nail biting. when the movie ended, we all forced giggles and "that was like, so laaaame" but none of us slept a wink. and no one went to the bathroom until daylight because my grandma has this insane collection of giraffe figurines ranging from very small to ENORMOUS and creepy lining the hallway front to back.

since that night, i've been quite afraid of dolls. basically, all dolls look like this to me:

knock knock

so, last night i was safely at home, in my pj's and cooking dinner (you'd have been impressed...orange chicken and herbed mashed potatoes and asparagus). it was about 7pm. then the doorbell rang. now, i haven't been a real grown-up all that long yet, so i still get pretty excited at unexpected visitors, even though, now that i think about it, they've never been people i'd invite over.

well i went to answer the door, and there stood a guy who looked kinda like this:


only not nearly as hunky. but the outfit is what is key. mainly the hat. only his was olive green.

there are two very important things that you need to know about me at this point in the story. the first is that i desperately WANT to be one of those people that is terrifically educated and concerned and active about the environment. i really do. the problem is, i'm just not. however, if faced with the question as to whether or not i love the environment and would do whatever it takes to preserve her/it, i will ALWAYS say yes and nod my head as though it was already my life's goal to stop global warming.

the second is, and please don't take advantage of this, i just CAN'T say no to people who are working for a cause. and it doesn't matter which cause. i just remember back to when i was trying to raise money to work at a Russian Orphanage, and how miserable it was going door to door. and my mom did a great job of teaching me "it's not how much money you have, it's what you do with it that makes the money valuable" (and trust me, my mister usually wishes my mom would've worded that differently...) so i generally will give whatever money i have in my wallet or purse or couch cushion to whatever cause is knocking at the door or calling during dinner. and the mister is not too pleased with this.

so we've worked out a system that saves us both. he told me that anytime someone calls or comes to the door wanting money and i don't want to be mean or hurt their feelings, i can always say "i'll have to wait to discuss it with my husband. we make all financial decisions together."

this has worked like a charm, as i don't have to be a jerk, and he doesn't have to be mad that i gave away more of his hard earned money.

so this is what i did last night. the guy was very pleasant, quite nice. he wanted to talk about the environment and how the government is doing nothing to save it and how we have to step up and do it ourselves. he said to me, "i'm sure you're already very knowledgeable about the unfortunate state of the environment" to which i replied, "oh yes, very knowledgeable." to which he replied, "so you're on the same page? you want to join our grassroots efforts?" to which i replied, "oh yes. very much."

and then i knew i had to get out of it. he got very excited about my response and began spitting out stats and dollar figures and political jargon and i just kept nodding and hoping the chicken wasn't burning.

eventually i said, "what can i do to help today?" and he said "the best thing is to give money right now. that's what we really need." so i knew i was safe. i had my no-fail out. so i gave him the husband spiel. to which he replied, "well, do you know when he'll be home? i'll be in the neighborhood until nine. i could come back." i said, "oh, he won't be home until very late, and i'm not very comfortable with a late visitor because it's only the two of us that live here, so i'm all alone." so i asked him for the website and assured him i would share the info with my mister later that night.

as i was saying this, my oblivious husband comes walking down the stairs in his underoos and says, "when will dinner be ready honey?"

the guy at the door was visibly upset at having caught me in a lie. i didn't even acknowledge the mister, i just said to the door guy, "and if you see my husband later, please don't tell him about the guy in his underwear. that would be bad." and shut the door.

dear god,

is it just me? part 2

(i think my brain is undergoing a major paradigm shift...i sense a series of posts coming...no pressure to care or read, i think i just need to use this avenue to work out some thoughts...)

Many have traveled this road before

I see their tracks in the dirt

maybe I don't agree with where they all lead.

But who am I? just a youth...

but why has that become the excuse?

A monotone voice in my head saying,

"dreaming all the time is so foolish.

Your flood of empty words will drown you in ruin."

So we listen.

But should we listen?

They shake their heads as they drive away in the bandwagon

I didn't feel like hitching a ride

But I'll be fine

Some nights it's hard to be alone

I want some kind of kinship at the finish line

it drives me on when they say,

"dreaming all the time is so foolish.

Your flood of empty words will drown you in ruin."

So we listen.

But should we listen?

Come with me! They'll call us REVOLUTIONARIES!

Come with me! They'll call us REVOLUTIONARIES!

Dreaming all the time is NOT foolish

Your flood of lifegiving words will refresh

Should we listen, REVOLUTIONARIES?

i have loved this song for a long time. but just today it hit me in a totally different way. i'm working in a field that is intended to be about the business of helping people...healing people. and yet the road is paved with half-hearted footsteps...selfish, self-serving footsteps. it's so widely accepted to do only what is required...just enough to CYA. and i've never felt at home in that mentality. i've been the misfit who is told that my passion for this work will only do me in...come back to bite me. they say the passion and drive will fade as i gain more experience. they have tried to shatter my dreams of what i can do in this world, and for awhile now, i've let them.

but no more! i was not made for mediocrity. i was not given this passion and drive and ability just to throw it all away and fade into the masses. these dreams are not just my own, and they are not unrealistic or unattainable. i can bring about my dreams, both in my career and my personal life. there just isn't any reason not to. the only thing in my way is whether or not i let others say no.

and why is everyone so comfortable with this mediocrity? we all have greatness waiting for us...why do we stop short? did you ever hear about that chick who wanted to swim across the atlantic ocean (or something like that) and she swam for like 20 hours (or some really long time) and a fog settled in and she couldn't see where she was going, and couldn't tell if she was even going in the right direction. so, after a zillion hours of swimming, she called to be picked up by the rescue boat. when they picked her up, she was less than half a mile (so they say) from her destination!!!!

now, i realize that there will be fog between me and these goals of mine, it's inevitable. but i don't have to let people force fog on me, force me to think i'm off course or will never get to where i'm going.

so basically, friends. COME WITH ME! THEY'LL CALL US REVOLUTIONARIES!!!

is it just me?

i've had several discussions lately with friends that basically turned into "is it just me, or is the world getting ______?"

so, blog friends...is it just that i'm getting older and more involved in the grown-up life and therefore more aware of things, or is the world really getting more violent, more scary, more abusive, more untrusting and dirty? has it been this bad all along?

(p.s, the above questions are only partially driven by the boiling hatred of my current work situation...which i would share with you except that who knows who might be blurking around these parts...i'll explain when the coast is clear....anyways, other than that, it's sincerely wondering about the state of the world...)

as it turns out, i like football

who knew? i finally started asking the mister what on earth was going on down there on the field, and he started explaining it in ways that make sense.

i've always liked going to football games, but not for any reason related to football itself. i like the energy, the people watching, the hot dogs and getting to yell to my heart's content without getting into trouble.

but now, after a few lessons of football 101, i like it because i sorta get it. not thoroughly or anything, but at least i know what the heck a down is.

for some reason i've got terrible football luck. now that i love football for football, i keep getting seated in front of the WORST people. first it was the parents who had no sense and brought their barely 2 year old kid to the super late Beaver game. she kept kicking me in the head. then she spilled mommy's soda all over me. jerk kid.

then this weekend at the Cougar game it was two girls in their mid-20's who, despite living in vancouver washington, were HUGE usc fans. these are the kind of girls who come early and talk LOUDLY the entire time about aaaaallll the crappy and horrible things about wsu...these are the girls who make a point of learning all the player's names and then using them obsessively as though they are BEST friends with them "that's my chauncey! good boy chauncey!"

now, had my mother-in-law not been sitting right next to me, the night would have gone ENTIRELY another direction. oh how i wish that were the case.

instead, i had to bite my tongue and find passive aggressive ways to express my extreme annoyance with them. when girl #1 made a comment about hating the wsu tradition of saying "and that's another COUGAR FIRST DOWN!!" i made sure to yell it as loud as possible and turn my head in her direction every first down for the rest of the game. and whenever someone needed to get by me, i backed into her knees instead of standing up to get out of the way. and when mother-in-law went to get popcorn i made a loud-ish comment to the mister about the "ridiculous girls behind me."

in the end, their precious trojans won. it was a great game though, and i made a point of giving my best deathglare on our way out.

any good stories about morons you've had to put up with at sporting events?

I DID IT!!!!

it's official. at 7:48am on September 23rd 2006...


I RAN A MILE WITHOUT STOPPING!!!!!!!!

i don't care how silly this seems to anyone else. this is HUGE for me. this is the first time ever in my life that i've done this. and i'm actually really proud of myself!

HOORAY!!!!!

if i were president...

i'd make a law limiting the number of times a business can repeat their phone number in radio commercials.

similarly, the idiots that created the "head on: apply directly to the forhead" commercial would go straight to death row...do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars. i've got something i'd like to apply directly to YOUR forhead jerks!





what would you do if you were president?

step right up

okay, so i hate clowns, right? there's NOTHING alright about clowns. i'm not even going into why. you KNOW why.

so it may surprise you to hear that i have a superduper fascination with sideshow freaks. which even seems backwards because i'm so ultra sensitive about things like calling someone a "freak" or saying something is "retarded." but i am SO curious and interested in the old-time sideshow freaks.

last weekend there was a special on cable all about sideshow freaks. i didn't budge the entire hour. here's what i learned:



this is a woman who has spent most of her life squeezing herself into tighter and tighter corsets...over time it has caused her waist to look scary small...apparently there are plenty of loony women that do this all over the world...and i thought diet and working out was the way....



this is anna swan. she's the tallest woman recorded in history...nothing much to say except...8 feet is really frickin tall. you go swan...



this is princess wee wee. no, i'm totally serious. her name is princess wee wee. this isn't like those type of dwarf kids...at least i don't think so. she's like the size of a cabbage patch, only skinnier. good thing she never met those corset ladies...cause that would be creepy.



that's jojo the dogboy. he was actually highly intelligent, knew like a zillion languages and stuff, but because he respected the art of sideshow freak-ing, he would totally get on all fours and bark and howl and stuff. and it was FOR REAL (the hair, not the barking). he was completely covered in the stuff, even on his nose! imagine the profit laser hair removal companies would get if they could do a good before/after on this guy!



this is one of my favorites, even though it makes me a little queezy. her name is fannie, and she wears size 30 shoes. or, she did. i don't remember if it's elephantitis or whatever...but can you imagine??!?!?!



another one that amazes me to no end. the bearded lady. this one is from 1906. i can't get enough of these women...mostly because i just can't believe that any of them were actually chicks...their faces just always look dudish. sweet dress though. she should be careful not to catch the beard in her spokes.



i don't know this guy's name, but he's like teenwolf or something. wow. do you like, shampoo and condition the whole body? if you wanted to go blond, do you have to go ALL blond? could this guy take advantage of a 4.99 haircut?


one of many examples of conjoined twins. i ALWAYS watch the shows about these...especially if they're connected at the head. whoah. have you seen the one set where the one chick is in a wheelchair, all shrively but she wants to be a country singer, so maury pauvich makes her dream come true and she makes a music video and in the video she's singing but her other half has to wheel her around to do the dance moves?????? i saw that YEARS ago, and i still can't get over it.


this guy had three legs. that's all.




and then you've got all the classics:

longest nails.....ewwwwwwwwwwwww!


longest ear hair...."what?!?!"


longest toenails (i definately gagged at this one)


the guys who's tatooed on every inch of...every inch.


and this one just kinda freaks me out...in a good way.


don't judge me. judge them.