an open letter

to the people in the restaurant for easter brunch (but really, to all the people in every restaurant that this applies to),

i am sincerely sorry that my teething baby was crying during brunch. i did everything i could do...bounced, sang, patted, offered toys and tried to feed her. i even got up and walked as far from the dining area as i could get as soon as it was clear that she was more than fussy. and i bounced and swayed and sang and tried with all my might to soothe her. but she was just so uncomfortable.

i don't know what more you wanted from me....to stand out in the rain with her? why did you all glare and grunt at me with mental daggers as if i had gotten up this morning intending to ruin your day?

don't you realize that all of it was so much more awful for ME than for any of you? that i was humiliated to be disturbing any of you? that i was hungry and did not get to eat? that my back hurt and arms ached from trying to comfort her for so long? that i was lonely and feeling left out (as usual) as everyone else ate their fresh and hot food at our table, laughing and talking and enjoying themselves? did you see that i was crying too, feeling that these particular parts of parenting are more than i bargained for? did you see how exhausted i was from not getting much sleep for weeks on end now?

see, i've been where you were. i've been annoyed at crying babies and though "oh just DO something woman!" and now i see...she IS doing everything she can...she's doing it by herself, while her food gets cold and stale, while the world spins madly on, she bounces and rocks and sways and sings and cries from the exhaustion and embarrassment. it is a very lonely place standing in your sunday best by the cold doorway that leads out of the restaurant, hoping (for so many reasons) that your child will calm down and rest.

so, i'm sorry that you had a brief disruption to your meal, but please, PLEASE, the next time this happens, could you please look at the mother with gentle eyes and compassion? she desperately needs to know someone sees her side of the story.

sincerely,
kaia's mommy

i NEED answers

have you started listening to adam yet? well if you have, then you heard this mind boggling story this morning. i HAD to come share it with my blogmunity...i can't wait to see some of your comments/reactions (hopefully plenty of you will read this one...) and hopefully you haven't already heard it, because i just learned that it's been EVERYWHERE. but i love telling people things for the first time.

here it is, in my own words (but i double checked the facts on cnn.com)

it all starts in wichita kansas. this 35 year old woman named pam somethingorother is at her boyfriend's house and goes into the bathroom. she stayed in there for awhile. when the boyfriend went to check on her, she refused to come out. she said "maybe tomorrow." and that's exactly what she said the next day, and the next day, and EVERYDAY FOR TWO STRAIGHT YEARS. seriously. and the boyfriend just went along his merry way, giving her food and water (under the door?) and asking her if she wanted to come out today. after TWO YEARS of sitting on the toilet, he finally decided to call someone and let them know, and i quote "something is wrong." ready for it to get grosserer?

because she did not get up for two years (i just can't begin to imagine how that's physically possible) her body fat actually molded itself around the toilet seat, which had to be removed with a prybar, and the muscles in her legs had wasted away. she still hasn't said why she stayed on the toilet for 2 years.


she's in the hospital now, and both pam and the boyfriend are being checked out for mental issues. if ever there was a time to revive "duh," it's now.

good points adam made (which i'm including to add more humor, since my best related joke is "that's a lot of issues of reader's digest"):
"probably not a lucritive career, imagine calling in sick for two years."
"i don't think he was that into her... eventually a guy in love kicks in the door"
"if her fat is growing around the toilet...she's eating? what, is he sliding matza under the door?"
"i'm guessing they didn't enteretain a lot of houseguests...'can i use your bathroom?' 'DON'T USE THE ONE IN THE HAAAAALL!!' " ' whatever happened to that nice girl you were dating last year?'
"what do you think she initially went in there for? i'm assuming #2. you don't go in for #1 and stay for two years."
"honey? what do you want on your pizza tonight? it's got to be a thin crust...and do you want me to just pour sprite under the door so you can soak it up with a towel and then just squeeze it into your mouth?"

see...he's hillarious.

oh, and this is the front of their house...i'm just saying...

i got served

the greatest thing happened last week. for the first time EVER, i got a summons for jury duty!!!! i was so very excited! it said the case would likely last about 4 weeks. i have ALWAYS wanted to get jury duty. then my mister reminded me about the part where we have a baby now....a baby that requires my body for nourishment. my heart sank. i tried to bargain, "but i'm the PERFECT jurror! they would choose me in a split second!! uncle sam needs me!!" the mister picked up the summons, looked it over and replied "see, they've even got a box to check to say you're exempt because you're breastfeeding. uncle sam doesn't want you right now."

so my friends, i hope you won't mind that i had to, at least for now, choose my parenting responsibilities over the civil ones.

but hey, why don't YOU tell me YOUR jury duty story, and i'll live vicariously. hooray!

the good news is, i can keep working on my personal political stances even with a baby on my boob.

wanna?

i'm not ready to run it yet, but i'm going to do the "fitness walk" which i think is about 3-ish miles. i love doing the shamrock, so fun! if you want to join me, it's an easy fitness walk, and such a great experience with loads of people, lots of energy, and clam chowder and beer when you're done!! i don't personally enjoy beer at 9am after working up a sweat, but loads of people do.

anyhow, i'm inviting you to walk with me if you want to. i'm sure several of you are running it (jason?) and that's great too, i'll be so happy to meet up with you at the finish line (bet you'll get there first!) and then grab our celebratory chowder! what's really exciting is that it's the 30th anniversary...so the shirts are actually a bit different this year! hooray! and i like them! super hooray! gotta love the tshirt...especially because it doesn't specify if you ran or walked...and i like to feel like i COULD'VE run it, juuuuuuuuuust maybe!

who's in? or who's already going?