Wednesday, September 13, 2006

step right up

okay, so i hate clowns, right? there's NOTHING alright about clowns. i'm not even going into why. you KNOW why.

so it may surprise you to hear that i have a superduper fascination with sideshow freaks. which even seems backwards because i'm so ultra sensitive about things like calling someone a "freak" or saying something is "retarded." but i am SO curious and interested in the old-time sideshow freaks.

last weekend there was a special on cable all about sideshow freaks. i didn't budge the entire hour. here's what i learned:

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this is a woman who has spent most of her life squeezing herself into tighter and tighter corsets...over time it has caused her waist to look scary small...apparently there are plenty of loony women that do this all over the world...and i thought diet and working out was the way....

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this is anna swan. she's the tallest woman recorded in history...nothing much to say except...8 feet is really frickin tall. you go swan...

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this is princess wee wee. no, i'm totally serious. her name is princess wee wee. this isn't like those type of dwarf least i don't think so. she's like the size of a cabbage patch, only skinnier. good thing she never met those corset ladies...cause that would be creepy.

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that's jojo the dogboy. he was actually highly intelligent, knew like a zillion languages and stuff, but because he respected the art of sideshow freak-ing, he would totally get on all fours and bark and howl and stuff. and it was FOR REAL (the hair, not the barking). he was completely covered in the stuff, even on his nose! imagine the profit laser hair removal companies would get if they could do a good before/after on this guy!

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this is one of my favorites, even though it makes me a little queezy. her name is fannie, and she wears size 30 shoes. or, she did. i don't remember if it's elephantitis or whatever...but can you imagine??!?!?!

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another one that amazes me to no end. the bearded lady. this one is from 1906. i can't get enough of these women...mostly because i just can't believe that any of them were actually chicks...their faces just always look dudish. sweet dress though. she should be careful not to catch the beard in her spokes.

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i don't know this guy's name, but he's like teenwolf or something. wow. do you like, shampoo and condition the whole body? if you wanted to go blond, do you have to go ALL blond? could this guy take advantage of a 4.99 haircut?

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one of many examples of conjoined twins. i ALWAYS watch the shows about these...especially if they're connected at the head. whoah. have you seen the one set where the one chick is in a wheelchair, all shrively but she wants to be a country singer, so maury pauvich makes her dream come true and she makes a music video and in the video she's singing but her other half has to wheel her around to do the dance moves?????? i saw that YEARS ago, and i still can't get over it.

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this guy had three legs. that's all.

and then you've got all the classics:
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longest nails.....ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

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longest ear hair...."what?!?!"

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longest toenails (i definately gagged at this one)

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the guys who's tatooed on every inch of...every inch.

and this one just kinda freaks me a good way.
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don't judge me. judge them.


Amanda said...

none of that is ok. i forbid you from doing that ever again.

tabitha jane said...

fannie looks like she has elephantitis (its a real disorder. look it up).

i think i saw this show a few months ago . . . it was really interesting!

James Wood said...

You should read Don Miller's story about circus freaks in Searching for God Knows What. He refers to the three legged man in your picture. The jist is that the sideshow performers developed a heirarchy based on the level of bizareness (with the three legged man at the top). Their heirarchy is just as arbitrary as ours (with the celebrity on top . . .).

rebecca marie said...

i don't think that is arbitrary at all.

the three legged man is clearly superior to all of us.

Jess said...

Is that zipper girl for real? Did she really have a zipper put in her mouth? That is the freakist of all.

Rebecca said...

what i would like to know: how does the toenail person (assuming woman) walk with those things?

Mrs. Andrea Wood said...

I was wondering the same thing. Even if she can walk, wouldn't that hurt your toes?

I think that in order to be a real freak, a least to be a good one, it needs to be of natural causes, not because you have body issues and wear a really small corset.