Sunday, September 23, 2007

i couldn't resist

how long do i get to brag and gush about this girl before people get annoyed? i just want to make sure to not drive people too far away! all those cliche things i've always heard are just so true, which drives me nuts considering how much i hate cliches.

also, i just wanted to thank all of you for your prayers and words of encouragement and congratulations. you've all blessed ben and i so much these last 10 days, and it's been incredibly humbling and faith growing for us. (and lori, thank you for the voicemail, it was such a blessing for me, and i'm going to call you back just as soon as a)i remember while it's not too late to call and b)kaia is asleep. i'm so looking forward to catching up with you!)

so, to be honest, the main point of this post was to show you this:

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i can hardly handle how much i love her.

Monday, September 17, 2007

worth the wait

she's here.

and to be honest, i earned every last beautiful centimeter of her! it was 18 hours of hard, med free labor. which was the goal (well, the med free part). but after about 12 hours, i started to lose it. like psychologically lose it. i added myself to the list of women who say they're going to have a natural child birth, and then beg for an epidural. i was ashamed, but more desperate than i could ever explain.

so the anesthesiologist came in to give me the drugs. but remember that part about 18 hours of med free labor? that's because, even after SEVEN attempts, he could not get the epidural in. he eventually said he could not safely continue to try, and i heard him whisper to the nurse "this has never happened in my entire career!" i'm definately paying for those attempts now, let me tell you!

Kaia Grace was born at 3:50 pm on Friday. and, please forgive me for being blunt, but i've got as many stitches as a girl can have. nothing came easily for us.

the first 20 hours were as blissful as they could be given my physical condition. kaia is so sweet and delicate and peaceful.

saturday afternoon, less than 24 hours after she was born, things started going wrong. kaia turned purple and was put on oxygen. as they started doing tests to find out why she wasn't getting enough oxygen, they found a slew of other things going on: jaundice, possible heart size issues, rapid/shallow breathing and pneumonia. in the blink of an eye kaia was taken by ambulance to the NICU of another hospital, and i was left to figure out what on earth was going on.

the last few days have been horrendous. i can't and won't begin to explain what's gone on, but this darling girl has not had a very kind welcome into the world. it is the most helpless i have ever felt.

i was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon, and went immediately to my little girl. the doctors were saying all kinds of things, none of which sounded terribly optimistic. yesterday was, quite possibly, the worst day of my life (and after the labor, i thought that record would be impossible to beat!)

but, praise God, today was an entirely different story. when we came to the hospital today, she was totally off the oxygen, the jaundice light treatments. another xray this morning showed completely clear lungs and a perfect heart. and our little girl gets to come home tomorrow night once she's completed one more round of "just to be safe" antibiotics.

today was euphoria. we sat and held her (such a gift after not getting to hardly touch her for 2 days of her 3 days here!) and stared at her and i was baby drunk. i cannot express the humility and gratitude i feel for God's grace on our little girl, and for all the people who have sacrificed for us these last days. my faith has been tripled by seeing God's goodness in our friends and family who have prayed and prayed and prayed and offered us endless comfort and time. we are so very blessed.

so here it is. this is the picture of perfection, if you ask me. and although i am still in pretty awful physical condition, my heart is boiling with joy, and i don't hardly care about this pain. how could i? just look at her!

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Thursday, September 13, 2007

we now interrupt your regularly scheduled "still pregnant" blog to bring you a surprisingly SPORTY post....

Sam Bowie pt 2?!?!

DEVASTATED is a pretty accurate word. whilst choking down some castor oil to try and induce labor, this "breaking news" screamed at me from the big screen:

"This just in; Greg Oden will not play the '07-'08 season for the Portland Trailblazers due to cartilage damage discovered in his right knee during exploratory surgery this morning. Recovery is expected to take 8-12 months"

um...what?! what is going on here?

let's get a few things straight. i am NOT a blazer fan. not at all. i'm a laker lover through and through. HOWEVER. i LOVE basketball, and i live in portland, so i like going to games. which have mostly sucked as of late. oden was my hope for some better action. oden was my hope to convince the mister to fork out cash for a few more games this season. oden was the hope of the future.

i've been annoyed from a distance how this kinda happened when the galaxy bought beckham and then all of a sudden he was injured and not playing, or playing and not being worth the price. i've imagined how much the city/state/team management must be sick over all of it. but i didn't care enough to really care.

this is closer to home. thankfully we haven't bought season tickets, or tickets to the first home game. can you EVEN imagine what real blazer fans are thinking/feeling right now?!?! yikes. this is a major blow to the city.

why is this feeling like sam bowie all over again? you remember the story: 1984 draft, Portland had the 2nd pick. the options? Sam Buoy, and a shooting guard from North Carolina by the name of Michael Jordan. and who did Portland pick? Sam freaking Bowie. MJ goes on to lead the Bulls to 6 championships and earns 5MVPs. Sam injurs himself again and again, averaging a little over 10 points per game, and is traded 4 excrutiating seasons later to the Nets where he magically has the 4 best seasons of his career. boo and boo some more.

this is where i'm glad to be a friend of God...he's got a history of some miraculous healings and such. i'm going to go ahead mention these things to Him and see what happens.

get better soon Oden....portland needs you. desperately.

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Friday, September 07, 2007

the waiting game

....still no baby, which is totally fine. i'm mostly feeling quite well. the thing that makes it hard is how 35 people have decided to call me EVERYDAY just to say "are you STILL pregnant?!?!" having to tell each one of them, "yes, and i really do promise to let you know as soon as that changes! you really don't have to call to ask everyday."

i'm trying to be polite, i really am. i know their intentions are good. but it's not easy to feel patient and comfortable when i'm being reminded every 30 minutes that i've not had a baby yet.

it's not very helpful that this is the ONLY reason people seem to call anymore. this is literally how most of the conversations go:

me: hello?
them: hi. are you STILL pregnant?!?!
me: yes. i really do promise to call or text you when that changes.
them: okay. that's all i wanted to know. bye!
me: bye. (to self: grrrrrrr)

for some, i've actually stopped answering the phone altogether. for others, i've taken to sending a pre-emptive daily text message. is this rude?

i'm grateful to have friends who care about how i'm doing, and who are excited to meet my little girl. but i wouldn't mind some of them wanting to ALSO talk about other things. and i don't like how everyone assumes i'm miserable at this point. sure, i'm more uncomfortable than if i weren't pregnant, but i'm still really quite active considering i'm 41 weeks pregnant (as you'll remember from the accusatory "why are you never home??" comments i've received) and sleeping well (praise God!) and i'm fine with the baby being where she is until it's time for her to move out of my womb.

for those of you who may be curious, my dr has given me until next friday (Sept 14th) to go into labor on my own before they induce. i'd really like to avoid induction, but i'll be at 42 weeks on the 17th, and my doctor is going out of town after the i was willing to compromise by a few days. i wouldn't mind some prayerful intervention about my labor and delivery, if you would be so kind.

meanwhile, here's something entertaining, since this particular post is mostly a venting extention of the last...

Monday, September 03, 2007

the strangest day

well, my "estimated due date" has come and gone, and my precious little baby has stayed put safely inside my apparently posh womb. i know that most first timers go past their due dates, i know that my mom had me two weeks after her due date. even still, it was the STRANGEST thing to live today like it was any other very pregnant but uneventful day.

this day, september 3rd, has been the object of my obsession for the last 9 months. i sincerely had convinced myself i'd have the baby early, or exactly on time. i hadn't necessarily considered being OVERdue. it was so surreal to say "today" when people asked me when i was due whilst attempting to walk myself into labor at IKEA this afternoon. i think it will be even more odd to say "yesterday" or "last week" when they ask from now on.

there's nothing an overdue pregnant chick loves hearing quite as much as "you look like you're about to POP right open! you're huge!" aaahhh...just makes you feel like the miracle vessel that you are, all dainty and lovely and such.

and also? please stop saying things like "what are you doing out and about? why aren't you at home? aren't you miserable? shouldn't you be laying down?" because, although i don't feel UNpregnant, i do feel mostly good and don't see any reason to be shut in my house and laying around. i'm taking advantage of what you all keep reminding me will apparently no longer be part of my life...just doing whatever i feel like doing, whenever i feel like doing it, with nothing holding me back. so there.

and i'm sorry that when you/your mother/your sister/your daughter/your cousin's neighbor's aunt was pregnant, going out was just not an option due to all the swelling/back pain/dizziness/inability to walk/general misery, and that you're jealous i'm still wearing my wedding ring and cute wedgy shoes. i'm just not convinced that pregnancy (or motherhood for that matter) requires the loss of style, spunk, organization, punctuality or ability to say no to plaid scrunchies.

one last thing (since this post has clearly taken on an entirely different tone than i originally intended), and please, hear me out on this one: you gave birth your way, and that's great. as long as you're happy with the experience and everything worked out fine, i feel NO NEED to tell you that your birth experience should've been any different. i've decided what's right for me based on what i value and what i've researched. and i know it sounds crazy to most people that i will not be having an epidural, or any other medical intervention (unless there's some emergency medical reason). i know that you wouldn't dream of that, and that you LOVED your anesthesiologist. BUT PLEASE stop telling me "you'll change your mind. you'll see."

because the thing is, i'm strong and educated and stubborn, and just because i've not yet given birth and felt contractions, doesn't mean i'm not capable of making decisions and sticking with them. it's not okay with me that so many of you (and, my blog reading friends, i'm sure you've realized by now that "you" is not YOU as much as it is "you, the general population of places i go") feel that it's appropriate to tell me what to do with my body, my baby and my birth experience. and i wish i had the guts to say that to you in person without the temptation of using words my fetus should not hear.

whew! i didn't realize that was all pent up. it seems that the pregnancy hormones are still in full force! let's end the post with something light and uplifting:

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