everything I need to know I learned from TGIF

remember the TGIF generation? all week we would look forward to awesome shows like Full House, Step by Step, The Cosby Show, Family Matters, Boy Meets World...the anticipation helped us survive homeroom and 7th period PE.

We learned all of life's most important lessons:


Even the nerdiest dudes deserve a chance...


we can learn to love our "dysfunctional" family...


sometimes it's worth the money to hire a professional...


school is actually a fun place to be...


nice guys can finish first


there are always fun ways to remember proper spelling ("double the C double the S and all day long you'll have success")...


and a little laughter can get us through life's crazy twists and turns...


i miss those days of 30 minute morals. No one ever got into more trouble than could be resolved with a little soft piano music and a hug. Shows lasted a lot longer back then. we watched our tv friends grow up, and realized we were growing up too. as much as i love reality tv and its short spurts of drama, romance and comedy, there's still a part of me that longs for the wholesome and cheesy family sitcoms that filled my Friday nights during those crucial years of personal development.

Here's to DJ Tanner,Cory, Topanga, Michelle, Zack Morris, Steve Urkel, the Huckstables, Tim the Toolman Taylor, Cousin Dana and all the other small screen stars who showed me the ways of the world.

a call to readers AKA July's What's in the Brown Bag?

For those of you who LOVE LOVE LOVE to read books, as I do, I submit the following site


It's a fantastic little site called "book-a-minute" that does just what it says: it allows you to read a whole book in a minute. This is not scholarly work, it's laugh out loud hilarious. take a few minutes and check it out. you won't be disappointed.


Also. I need to know which of you are connected to me on one of the deepest levels...

who has read "Ender's Game?"

If you have not read it, please take my word for it, and go immediately to find it and read it. It is, by far, one of the top three books i've read to date. It's classified as "Sci-Fi" which i NEVER read (I don't like SCI-FI at all, i swear) but I read it at the request of a good friend, and I am hooked. There's a series of 8 if you find yourself as drawn in as I have and wish to continue, but Ender's Game is a MUST READ. I'll pay you $5.00 to read it. i really will. (well, let's have a limit. I'll pay the first 10 people to read it.and there will be a test you have to pass to prove you read it.)

which leads me to this month's WHAT'S IN THE BROWN BAG. The first person to leave a comment that proves they've read the book PRIOR TO THIS POSTING wins. I like to reward Ender fans. Please try to word it in a way that won't give anything away to my future Ender readers.

let the games begin.

NOW HEAR THIS

I am now a home owner!!! I'll spare you the story. here are the important details:

I . OWN . A . HOUSE


Until i can get pics of my new pad, you can feast your eyes on my artistic interpretation



that's a cloud up there by the way. I realize it resembles a googlie ghost from "Casper" the animated series. but it's not.


Here's the same story, only natalie dee style:

Question: Who just got a fabulous house with a red door and vaulted ceilings and an island in the kitchen and hard wood floors and a real staircase and a deck and a gorgeous fireplace?

Answer: Her name is Breanna!!!!!!!!

Bloggerview Rebecca Marie Style

Most of you will know what this is, cause you're all bright enough to know that
Rebecca Marie's blog is worth a daily visit. These are the questions she had for me. Read on and learn, and at the bottom you'll get the chance to participate yourself!

1) You found a bottle, rubbed it, and don’tcha know it, a genie popped out. What do you use your three wishes for? Yes standard wish rules apply, no extra wishes, just three.

Classic. I would wish that weight would stop being the thorn in my side. I'd like to be done with this issue once and for all. Secondly, I would wish that i could get a full ride to grad school (the real real grad school aka doctorate). and my last wish would be...oh fine, we're being honest here. I want to sing! I want to know if I've "got it." I want to know if I could make it. I want to know if i'm just one of those American Idol auditioners that thinks their awesome cause their friends and mom didn't have the heart to break it to them, or if God really has given me a passion for singing for a reason that amounts to more than performances inside of my truck. I want to know why the desire to lead worship burns in me if He didn't intend for me to actually DO IT. I want to know why singing brings me healing, accountability and peace like NOTHING else does. And if I do actually "have it" then what am I supposed to do with it? How far do i go to find out? (oh man...i just splashed my soul here...let me just wipe that up...)

2) For the rest of your life, you can only sing and listen to one of two songs, choose one. Dude looks like a Lady by Aerosmith, or Little Pink Houses by John Cougar Melloncamp.

I've never heard of "Little Pink Houses" so this presents a bit of a dilemma. i googled the lyrics, and have based my answer on what i read. Since i don't particularly enjoy "america" songs or "anti-america" songs....i choose dude looks like a lady. it's a painiful choice, and what's funny is that i feel actual anxiety...as though my making a choice somehow means this will really come to pass.

3) You’ve got Jesus’ undivided attention for one hour. How do you spend that hour?

the whole hour would be spent curled up in his lap, my head resting on his chest, his strong, saving arms wrapped around me. I have a feeling i would cry and talk about the hurts i hide, just to hear him say "it's alright little one. i'm taking care of that for you." i think i would use it to meet the need created by never having a dad...i've never had that feeling of being held and loved so thoroughly and unconditionally. i'm guessing we'd sing a song together. i think Jesus is a tenor. i wouldn't ask all the "why's" or have him tell me historical stuff. I wouldn't ask about my future, i would just want to be held.

4) You have to spend 10 years in prison, no way around it. So, you may as well commit a crime to make it worth your while. Describe your crime.

Okay guys...here's the dark side of Breanna. There's a man I'd like to kill (you said i had to choose!) I don't want to go into the story, because i've already given you a big dose of Breanna's reality and sometimes these things just aren't meant to be shared with the world. But if you knew my reasoning, i guarantee you'd agree that if i had to choose a crime this would be the one. about the how...i'd give him a dose of his own medicine and hit him with a truck. then i'd back it up, just to be sure.

5) Write a brief letter of encouragement and advice to you, ten years from now.
I've decided that i'm going to be better ten years from now, and so i'm writing a letter from my 33 year old self to my current 23 year old self...make sense? advice for me now from future me.

Dear Breanna,
All this time you've wasted with self-doubt and self-dislike wasn't worth it. Throw it out. that time could be used doing yoga, or playing with some awesome kids, or investing in yourself. Stop worrying about whether or not you're everyone's favorite person, and become YOUR favorite person. You know that guy Ben? he's got it together...you shouldn't be so afraid of being known by him. Don't let intimacy scare you so much. And for pete's sake, stop being a slave to your tastebuds! enjoy life, but you know that nothing tastes as good as thin feels...if you want to be delivered from the thorn you have to do something about it. You can't slap a bandage on the thorn trapping it in and hope it magically disappears. Also, stop trying to be your own savior. it won't work. you've got a perfectly wonderful Savior already. Lastly, you are a good person, you are intelligent and capable and even funny sometimes. You are thoughtful and compassionate. you're going to be a good mom, and you'll figure the wife thing out eventually. Don't shy away from the journey, and don't deny yourself the pleasure of self-acceptance. Love-33 year old you


Now, per Rebecca Marie's instructions, I am offering to interview the first five people responding to this post. The rules are as follows:
1. Leave me a comment saying 'interview me please'.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions here on my blog (not the same questions you see here, and probably not so probing and intimate...unless you want it that way)
3. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions

iPod of bliss

I've been wanting it for awhile, and now my dreams have come oh so true! my very own 20GB iPod arrived and now my free time (all six minutes of it) is devoted to packing all my music into the cute little guy.

If you know me, you know i've got a penchant for naming the things i own. A few examples:

truck: Ethan
ben's car: larky
little angel thing hanging from truck mirror: isabella
laptop: lappy (unoriginal, but a thing between me and a buddy)
and the many fish: winston, guar, Xena, Flavio, Umar and so on

and so, i've been puzzled trying to find the right name for the iPod. i mean, he and I will inevitably become very close friends, what with all the working out together, falling asleep together, long drives together and the like. So it's a fairly important thing to capture all his goodness in one name.

This is where you come in. Not to long ago i was listening to the radio (obviously during my pre-iPod days) and heard that a woman was selling her unborn child's name on Ebay. firstly, eww gross. secondly, i can work with that. What is a good name for the iPod? The commenter who's submission I select gets a one day early start on this month's "what's in the brown bag." So there's a lot on the line. My choice will be made by Wednesday, and WITBB is unveiled publically on Thursday.
Please be creative, i hate normal names.

Life's disappointments

So, my ability for humorous insight into life is clouded by this:

i found the house of my dreams. I put in a bid on said house. Bid on said house was rejected.


Feels like a bad break up. I had already started planning where the furniture would go, what would go on the walls, who I'd invite to the house warming party (all of you, of course). i had even planned what my blog would look like when i told you all about my charming new home. I feel like one of those morons on American Idol who is SO SURE they are the all time awesomest vocalist, only to have Simon say, "That is absolutely horrendous. I would rather lick the underarm of a sweaty, overweight man than listen to your putrid voice another moment!" ( i'm assuming you read that with simon's accent. if not, go back and do it right.)

so, c'est la vie, Breanna, c'est la vie.

The power of the snooz

I just finished reading a fabulous book called "Dry" by Augusten Burroughs (my vote for Author of the Year). The book is about his journey into rehab, and the process of becoming sober. Augusten does a phenomenal job of describing the power that alcohol had over him.

I can understand that powerlessness. Some serve booze. i serve the snooz.

button that is

I'm not sure what happens between 10pm when i decide to have a productive morning of working out, quiet time and a bubble bath, and 6:30 am when my hand-as its own entity-engages in the first (of many) slaps to the almighty snooz button. maybe its the snooz gremlin who crawls out from under the bed to work his magical sleep spell. all i know is that i don't have control over what happens in the 30-60 minutes between when i'm supposed to get up and when i actually plunk out of bed.

the snooz button is my drug. i can't get enough. it started in high school, when one hit of the snooz was enough. in college, stressful times called for more...i had to have it. it's like i couldn't wait to get to sleep, just to be closer to the precious time of the morning when the snooz and i dance our sleepy dance. The snooz calls to me..."breanna, you know you want more. you don't need to do pilates today. you don't need to shower. you can get by with moderately wrinkled clothes. all that matters is this: our beautiful morning love affair."

and i respond with a slap, thinking that this will sting the snooz into leaving me alone...but the snooz doesn't work that way. you slap the snooz, and he says "alright...just turn over in your comfy duvet. we'll talk again in 4 minutes."

and so it goes.

how the snooz is able to have such power over me i'll never know. i'm trying to cut back slowly...at my most dependant i was taking maybe 8 or 9 hits of snooz each morning. today was 5. that's a start.

what beckons to you in moments of weakness? what has power over you?

The End of Life as I Know It

I will never be the same again.

I am a changed woman.


Last night, my best friend (who just got back from a year in Scotland!!!) and I were cozied up in the guest bedroom of my apartment watching tv. sounds innocent enough, right?

then it happened. my life changed FOREVER.


His name is Andy Milonakis. Don't recognize it? You will.

MTV did a preview of their new "talk show." The preview was hosted by Jimmy Kimmel, who i enjoy tremendously. Jimmy started by talking about some internet video he had discovered. He said it was a kid who had written a song called (and no one is allowed to be mad or all PC on me) "The Superbowl is Gay." MTV showed a clip from this video.

i nearly died on the spot.

but i'm glad i didn't, cause then i would've missed the next 5 minutes of the preview. Andy is getting his own show. now, this means nothing to you, dear readers, because you've yet to bask in the glory that is andy milonakis. but please believe me when i guarantee (or your money back) that this will be the new CULT HIT. this is like all the AWESOMENESS of our beloved Napoleon Dynamite....only it gets to happen week after week after week....i have NEVER laughed so hard for so long in my life. If you liked the "star wars kid" (and who didn't) you'll ADORE andy milonakis. i'm hooked already.

i was thinking of cancelling cable at the end of the month. That just went out the window. I'd be more than happy to pay the ridiculous 40 bucks a month JUST TO WATCH ANDY MILONAKIS.


you all have me to thank, by the way. You'll all bless the day you came across my blog and discovered this precious jewel.

i wanted to put a link to the video, but i couldn't. so, if someone could find the link to "the superbowl is gay" video and put it in a comment, that would be awesome. PLEASE READERS, I BEG OF YOU, GO IMMEDIATELY AND WATCH THE VIDEO.

The show premieres Sunday June 26th.

a very important question:

what's your biggest pet peeve?

Things That Should Be Banned From......(Part 2)

....business meetings

1. cell phones. seriously people...aren't we over the fad yet? do we REALLY need to show off our "cool new ring tones?" How many times do you have to turn red, reach into your purse/pocket/briefcase to push the button to silent "baby got back" and apologize to the room full of execs? also...once it's occurred for the first time, why not turn it off then?? why do you let it continue to to happen. Even worse...when has it ever been okay to answer the phone, tell your kid the grape juice is in the outside cupboard? it's not cute. end soap box one.

2.lady with the (count them) THIRTEEN clunky silver bracelets. This is not only tacky to look at, but you insist on making grandiose hand movements and slapping your hand to the table, causing me to wonder if the cows are on their way home. make it stop

3. knitting-do i even need to comment on this?Mr Bossman isn't paying you to make booties for your nephew's neighbor's ex-boyfriend's kid. Just because knitting is making a "comeback" doesn't mean it's kosher to bring your hobby into the boardroom. I don't haul my karaoke machine into meetings to practice "total eclipse of the heart"

4. bare feet. BEAR FEET. see what i'm saying? you slip your shoes off under the table and think we don't know. (sniff) we know.

5. 4 course meals. it's an hour long meeting, and sure, sometimes it feels like 5, but you don't need to bring in a cooler full of food to 'get you through it.' We all tote the Nalgene, and the occasional LUNA bar, but PLEASE stop bringing chips, salsa, sandwiches and soups.

6. playing games on the PDA. look mister, i don't even know why you have a PDA in the first place, we all know what you do around here (don't do more like) and you could fit the info on a post it. but when you sit in our meetings and tap tap tap the little plastic toothpick thing on the screen, we know you're not taking notes...you're obviously trying to beat your score from last tuesday. the least you could do is stay half aware of what we're discussing, so that when you are asked a question you have some idea of what to say. sheesh.

7. writing and passing notes to your coworkers. excuse me middle aged ladies, i realize it's fun to rehash your youth, and that you feel awesome having your little inside secrets and giggles. but this is not 7th grade homeroom. oh, by the way, i can always read what you write, seeing as how you're both losing your sight and write HUGE. secret's out.

Foodie call?

I'll openly admit it: I am a reality tv junkie. I like to think that it's because i work in the field of psychology/sociology, and that reality tv serves as a fantastic case study on human behavior. but let's all be honest. i like reality tv because it's mindless entertainment without the guilt of jerry springer. a few of my favorites:

american idol
the apprentice
supernanny
survivor
fear factor
the inferno
what not to wear

as we enter this summer season, a slew of new reality shows are emerging. i caught the first episode of "hell's kitchen" last week. it was pretty good. all the major networks are debuting their most current attempts at attracting the audiences abandoned by american idol, survivor and apprentice. but even i draw a line at some point. i just witnessed a commercial for the food network's new reality show: FOODIE CALL. this show is a combination of food exploration and dating game. please tell me you already got the word play (booty call). Really? FOODIE CALL? from the network that brings us the awesome bobby flay, the classy rachel ray (rhyme not intended) we get this pathetic show?? wow.

keep in mind that i will shamelessly watch "average joe" and "joe millionare." i wouldn't miss a moment of "america's next top model" or "my big fat obnoxious fiance" and even found myself tuning in to "surreal life." so it's not like i've got major standards here. what is television coming to?

so here's my pledge: i vow to not fall prey to FOODIE CALL. cause i ain't no holla back girl...if you know what i mean.

and you can hold me to that.