Monday, September 03, 2007

the strangest day

well, my "estimated due date" has come and gone, and my precious little baby has stayed put safely inside my apparently posh womb. i know that most first timers go past their due dates, i know that my mom had me two weeks after her due date. even still, it was the STRANGEST thing to live today like it was any other very pregnant but uneventful day.

this day, september 3rd, has been the object of my obsession for the last 9 months. i sincerely had convinced myself i'd have the baby early, or exactly on time. i hadn't necessarily considered being OVERdue. it was so surreal to say "today" when people asked me when i was due whilst attempting to walk myself into labor at IKEA this afternoon. i think it will be even more odd to say "yesterday" or "last week" when they ask from now on.

there's nothing an overdue pregnant chick loves hearing quite as much as "you look like you're about to POP right open! you're huge!" aaahhh...just makes you feel like the miracle vessel that you are, all dainty and lovely and such.

and also? please stop saying things like "what are you doing out and about? why aren't you at home? aren't you miserable? shouldn't you be laying down?" because, although i don't feel UNpregnant, i do feel mostly good and don't see any reason to be shut in my house and laying around. i'm taking advantage of what you all keep reminding me will apparently no longer be part of my life...just doing whatever i feel like doing, whenever i feel like doing it, with nothing holding me back. so there.

and i'm sorry that when you/your mother/your sister/your daughter/your cousin's neighbor's aunt was pregnant, going out was just not an option due to all the swelling/back pain/dizziness/inability to walk/general misery, and that you're jealous i'm still wearing my wedding ring and cute wedgy shoes. i'm just not convinced that pregnancy (or motherhood for that matter) requires the loss of style, spunk, organization, punctuality or ability to say no to plaid scrunchies.

one last thing (since this post has clearly taken on an entirely different tone than i originally intended), and please, hear me out on this one: you gave birth your way, and that's great. as long as you're happy with the experience and everything worked out fine, i feel NO NEED to tell you that your birth experience should've been any different. i've decided what's right for me based on what i value and what i've researched. and i know it sounds crazy to most people that i will not be having an epidural, or any other medical intervention (unless there's some emergency medical reason). i know that you wouldn't dream of that, and that you LOVED your anesthesiologist. BUT PLEASE stop telling me "you'll change your mind. you'll see."

because the thing is, i'm strong and educated and stubborn, and just because i've not yet given birth and felt contractions, doesn't mean i'm not capable of making decisions and sticking with them. it's not okay with me that so many of you (and, my blog reading friends, i'm sure you've realized by now that "you" is not YOU as much as it is "you, the general population of places i go") feel that it's appropriate to tell me what to do with my body, my baby and my birth experience. and i wish i had the guts to say that to you in person without the temptation of using words my fetus should not hear.

whew! i didn't realize that was all pent up. it seems that the pregnancy hormones are still in full force! let's end the post with something light and uplifting:

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Jason Hill said...

Just for the record, in my book: you rock. (Big time.)

Gina said...

Hi! I just wandered over from Jessica's blog. Sorry about the missed due date! It's kind of weird, isn't it? I had the opposite experience--for some reason I expected to have my baby 2 days late (on Super Bowl Sunday), but my blood pressure didn't behave so I was induced 8 days early. I thought I had more time to prepare mentally and organizationally, but NOPE! Still, it all worked out and I have a beautiful, healthy, happy, perfectly delightful baby boy who's currently laughing his little round head off at his grandaddy's silliness.

Good for you to researching what's right for you re: pain management. I had Bennett without an epidural or any other pain meds, too. People also thought I was crazy (but I've been hearing that accusation all my life). In retrospect, it was the best choice for me an my little guy. If I hadn't been able to feel the contractions and everything, I wouldn't have been able to push hard enough to get him out and for me it would have been Epidural=C-section. So stick to your guns and do what's right for you as long as there's no medical reason not to. And you might want to give everyone assisting you strict instructions not to offer you an epidural--ressure them you'll ask for one if you need it, just to keep them off your case. Oh, and if they have a tub/Jacuzzi, by all means use it! I would have lost my mind during hard labor if it weren't for the blessed tub! You're strong and determined, you're going to do great!

All of that said, I hope all this encouragement and unsolicited advice is all pointless and that you've already had a smooth delivery and are loving on your precious baby right this minute.

Breanna said...

jason- and i mean this sincerely, your comment is the nicest thing that has happened today. thank you very much, as i hold your "book" in high regard!

gina- i'm so glad to hear a positive NCB story! i've written out a birth plan which i've had my OB sign off on, and i've sent it to the hospital with my pre-reg forms. i'm also lucky enough to have a LOVELY doula who is completely on board about everything and will be the meanie if needed!

LoriLoo310 said...

Let me offer the flip side to this. I totally respect your decision to go med-free on this experience. I also decided to do that, and went for 5 hours with no medication, but things changed. Remember that an epidural can help. My body was so tense that I didn't dialate at all. After the epidural, my body relaxed and I was able to go through the process like normal. The medication was given in a light form, so I could still feel the contractions and know when to push. So, if it comes down to it and you must get the epidural, do NOT feel like you're a failure. In the words of BSC while I was in labor "This is about bringing our baby into the world safely. Nothing more."

I'm sorry you're still pregnant. I know she'll come soon. I can't wait to see pictures of your little princess!

Breanna said...

lori- thanks, and you're totally's just so frustrating to have people constantly act as though my decision is based on being naive or uneducated or unprepared!!

at the end of it all, i'm going to be perfectly content to just have our little girl here and safe and worries there!

tabitha jane said...

i am not pregnant or a mother and i STILL cannot say no to plaid scrunchies.

okay, yes, i can.