Friday, July 21, 2006

friday night tidbits

i'm watching 20/20 right now. it's all about crazy hoaxes in america. i love this kind of stuff.

the story at the moment is about this woman who saw an add for a psychic in her local newspaper. she went to see the psychic for a reading, who started by lighting candles around the room. at the end of the reading, the psychic announced that there was a terrible curse on the lady and her family, but that she (the psychic) would be able to remove it. the psychic then handed over the bill for the reading, which included a 25 dollar charge for EACH candle that had been lit. over the next several months, the lady reports that she paid the psychic over 220,000 dollars. i'm sorry...what? TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS. including the purchase of a 20,000 dollar watch that the psychic claimed would "reset the time in life" for the lady and her family.

here's what kills me most of all. this lady who paid 220,000 dollars is on television, wanting me to feel SORRY for her. hm? what? seriously? you willingly handed over hundreds of thousands of dollars to a woman who claimed there was a curse on your family, and you want me to feel bad for you?! not bloody likely. at the end of the interview, when asked what she hoped would happed to the psychic who is now being sued, the lady replied "i hope to get my money back. and i hope she spends a looooong time in jail."

well i hope you don't see a dime. stories like this make communism appealing (only kidding, please don't pulverize me). this idiot lady has all that money just waiting to be swindled, meanwhile i'm using the internet at work to find out what's going on with all my favorite cable tv shows since we cancelled ours three months ago.
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i've always been a reader. i was the nerd who read the thesaurus during the summer between my 2nd and 3rd grade year...just for fun. feel free to hate me. most kids my age did.

but as an adult, i've only just begun to find myself as a reader. i've read loads of books from all sorts of genres, generally based on recommendations from friends. but all on my own i discoverd augusten burroughs. i've read all of his books and loved every word. he's the one that wrote "running with scissors" which is definately my favorite book at this point in my life (aside from "are you there god? it's me, margaret") i just found out a few days ago that the movie of "running" will come out in october and that gwenneth paltrow is in it. i can't wait.

anyways. i love augusten burroughs' work. LOVE IT. i'm constantly begging people to read any of his books so that i have someone to talk with about it. so tonight, bored and home alone, i decided to visit his website. i spent hours reading through everything. then i looked him up on myspace. and found him.

here's the thing. this is my OPPORTUNITY. i mean, it's myspace, you can send a message to anyone, and basically know they'll read it. this thrills me. at first. but then i started reading through all the comments on his page. it's all these people trying to be....literary. or, at least, smarter and wittier than they probably are. so i'm TOTALLY stuck...i don't want to send a lame "i love every book you've ever written" message. but i also don't want to be obviously trying to impres him. i mean...he's this BRILLIANT and HILLARIOUS author...what could i possibly say? i literally stared at the empty "send augusten a message" box for almost an HOUR, just begging my brain to come up with something acceptable. to no avail.

what do you say to your favorite author? or musician?
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have you seen the video of the chick on maury povich who's terrified of pickles? i can't remember where i saw the link to the video, so if it was from one of your blogs, i'm sorry for not giving credit.

i think it's completely bogus. i think most people's phobias are lies. a local radio station was talking about phobias today, and a lady called in who was terrified of goats. GOATS. the radio personalities would play a recording of a goat noise, and the woman would freak out. i just don't buy it.

i get being afraid of the dark. or of knives. or clowns even (shudder). but being terrified of pickles? impossible. when pickle-sissy was on maury, he showed a picture of pickles on the screen behind her. she screamed and jumped out of her chair and ran away. she's not afaid of cucumbers. just pickles. maury made her go to a pickle factory. that was good television. and don't try to call me out saying that it's a mental health or brain disorder thing. don't forget that my entire job is about mental health and developmental disorders. i get that people have abnormal phobias. but i refuse to accept that picle-sissy was telling the truth. i'm pretty sure she just wasn't strong enough to endure being a guest on jerry springer. i'd like to slap her.

with a vlassic dill spear.
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10 comments:

Breanna said...

also? can anyone figure out why the right side of my blog won't come up to the top? none of my picks are oversized anymore...i can't solve it...

Tim Lewis said...

It looks fine on my screen, even when I resize the browser. I'm using Safari though, not IE. It might be the code in one of your posts, if it's still doing it. I dunno.

Amanda said...

220,000$. Yikes. That's one of the reasons I had to leave last night.... i can't stand shows like that because i can't bear to look away because it's all so fascinating but it always leaves me feeling so frustrated at the human capacity for stupidity.

And i have no idea what to say to any celebrity i admire. The only thing that seems any kind of meaningful would be to somehow acknowledge any personal alienation that they feel at being a celeb and the torture it must be to have hundreds of people saying how much they love your work which is in no way saying how much they love you. If you can take a stab at what personal heartache they might have - if you're lucky and hit the nail on the head - they will be intrigued and might just possibly see you as the one person who would be worth talking to.

Man I'm lame.

Ty said...

1. For a minute there, I thought I had read what you enjoyed so much, then I realized that it was Augusten Burroughs, not Augustine and Burroughs, some of the books of whom I've read. I'll try to remember Augusten Burroughs, when I get the time and money for more fiction.

2. I was attacked by a goat as a child, but it caused hatred more than fear. Every time I drive past a field of pygmy goats near where I live, I get an urge to get out of the car and kick one. I wouldn't actually do it, but I feel like it.

3. I've met some of my favorite authors of non-fiction, and I don't really know what to say either. All I really want to do is talk about their ideas and storys, but I get the feeling that they get tired of talking business all of the time.

4. Good idea, Amanda.

Rebecca said...

Good posting there. I have no idea what to say to a celebrity. For goodness sakes, a couple of years ago, I was standing in front of Jude Law on the street...JUDE LAW!!! and I didn't say anything. My friend and I just stood there...like idiots. I can't say that I admire Jude. I just admire his beauty and what do you say: "You're really hot, I haven't watched anything of yours that I ever feel the need to see twice, but you're hot"? I don't think that works.

On the level that you're speaking of, I'm fairly certain that if I was to meet, say Maya Angelou, I would have no idea what to say to her without gushing all over myself.

Jason Hill said...

Hey Breanna,

I took a quick look at your site and best as I can tell there is something screwy going on in your "Did I tell you I started running" post. There is a lot of formatting on the Akeela and the Bee quote and I think that is causing IE to go screwy. (To prove this, view any of your posts by themselves, you know click the title in the Must read section, and you'll see that the only individual post that has this problem is the Running one.) Probably the easiest way to fix would be to edit the post and completely delete the quote, then re-insert it with a little less formatting and see how it goes. Or you could just wait until you post enough to push it off the main page. Sorry I can’t tell you exactly why this is happening, maybe if I had a bit more time, but I figure you just want it fixed. Let me know if this works or if you have anymore questions.

Breanna said...

jason- thanks a zillion...i'll get right on that. it was awfully nice of you to take some time and try to identify the issue.

and to everyone else...thanks for your comments and feedback. i'm thinking of starting a book club, where maybe we meet together just once a month, and every month a different member selects a book for all of us to read and we just talk about it and drink wine or coffee or book juice.

anyone interested? it's just an idea...

Breanna said...

wow jason-right on the money. two clicks later and it's all better! your two dollar prize just jumped up a buck...keep this up and i'll owe you coffee!

LoriLoo310 said...

What kind of a moron would pay someone $220,000 to remove a "curse" on her family? She must be a sad, lonely woman.

Jessica said...

Hey - last weekend I was hanging out at Powell's and saw Running With Scissors... I had seen the title somewhere else - on some top 10 list or something, so I decided to buy it. I read it in about a day and a half and I really liked it. I'm glad to hear that his other books are good, too! I'm excited to get them.
Sorry I don't have any advice as to what to say to him.