The power of the snooz

I just finished reading a fabulous book called "Dry" by Augusten Burroughs (my vote for Author of the Year). The book is about his journey into rehab, and the process of becoming sober. Augusten does a phenomenal job of describing the power that alcohol had over him.

I can understand that powerlessness. Some serve booze. i serve the snooz.

button that is

I'm not sure what happens between 10pm when i decide to have a productive morning of working out, quiet time and a bubble bath, and 6:30 am when my hand-as its own entity-engages in the first (of many) slaps to the almighty snooz button. maybe its the snooz gremlin who crawls out from under the bed to work his magical sleep spell. all i know is that i don't have control over what happens in the 30-60 minutes between when i'm supposed to get up and when i actually plunk out of bed.

the snooz button is my drug. i can't get enough. it started in high school, when one hit of the snooz was enough. in college, stressful times called for more...i had to have it. it's like i couldn't wait to get to sleep, just to be closer to the precious time of the morning when the snooz and i dance our sleepy dance. The snooz calls to me..."breanna, you know you want more. you don't need to do pilates today. you don't need to shower. you can get by with moderately wrinkled clothes. all that matters is this: our beautiful morning love affair."

and i respond with a slap, thinking that this will sting the snooz into leaving me alone...but the snooz doesn't work that way. you slap the snooz, and he says "alright...just turn over in your comfy duvet. we'll talk again in 4 minutes."

and so it goes.

how the snooz is able to have such power over me i'll never know. i'm trying to cut back slowly...at my most dependant i was taking maybe 8 or 9 hits of snooz each morning. today was 5. that's a start.

what beckons to you in moments of weakness? what has power over you?

The End of Life as I Know It

I will never be the same again.

I am a changed woman.


Last night, my best friend (who just got back from a year in Scotland!!!) and I were cozied up in the guest bedroom of my apartment watching tv. sounds innocent enough, right?

then it happened. my life changed FOREVER.


His name is Andy Milonakis. Don't recognize it? You will.

MTV did a preview of their new "talk show." The preview was hosted by Jimmy Kimmel, who i enjoy tremendously. Jimmy started by talking about some internet video he had discovered. He said it was a kid who had written a song called (and no one is allowed to be mad or all PC on me) "The Superbowl is Gay." MTV showed a clip from this video.

i nearly died on the spot.

but i'm glad i didn't, cause then i would've missed the next 5 minutes of the preview. Andy is getting his own show. now, this means nothing to you, dear readers, because you've yet to bask in the glory that is andy milonakis. but please believe me when i guarantee (or your money back) that this will be the new CULT HIT. this is like all the AWESOMENESS of our beloved Napoleon Dynamite....only it gets to happen week after week after week....i have NEVER laughed so hard for so long in my life. If you liked the "star wars kid" (and who didn't) you'll ADORE andy milonakis. i'm hooked already.

i was thinking of cancelling cable at the end of the month. That just went out the window. I'd be more than happy to pay the ridiculous 40 bucks a month JUST TO WATCH ANDY MILONAKIS.


you all have me to thank, by the way. You'll all bless the day you came across my blog and discovered this precious jewel.

i wanted to put a link to the video, but i couldn't. so, if someone could find the link to "the superbowl is gay" video and put it in a comment, that would be awesome. PLEASE READERS, I BEG OF YOU, GO IMMEDIATELY AND WATCH THE VIDEO.

The show premieres Sunday June 26th.

a very important question:

what's your biggest pet peeve?

Things That Should Be Banned From......(Part 2)

....business meetings

1. cell phones. seriously people...aren't we over the fad yet? do we REALLY need to show off our "cool new ring tones?" How many times do you have to turn red, reach into your purse/pocket/briefcase to push the button to silent "baby got back" and apologize to the room full of execs? also...once it's occurred for the first time, why not turn it off then?? why do you let it continue to to happen. Even worse...when has it ever been okay to answer the phone, tell your kid the grape juice is in the outside cupboard? it's not cute. end soap box one.

2.lady with the (count them) THIRTEEN clunky silver bracelets. This is not only tacky to look at, but you insist on making grandiose hand movements and slapping your hand to the table, causing me to wonder if the cows are on their way home. make it stop

3. knitting-do i even need to comment on this?Mr Bossman isn't paying you to make booties for your nephew's neighbor's ex-boyfriend's kid. Just because knitting is making a "comeback" doesn't mean it's kosher to bring your hobby into the boardroom. I don't haul my karaoke machine into meetings to practice "total eclipse of the heart"

4. bare feet. BEAR FEET. see what i'm saying? you slip your shoes off under the table and think we don't know. (sniff) we know.

5. 4 course meals. it's an hour long meeting, and sure, sometimes it feels like 5, but you don't need to bring in a cooler full of food to 'get you through it.' We all tote the Nalgene, and the occasional LUNA bar, but PLEASE stop bringing chips, salsa, sandwiches and soups.

6. playing games on the PDA. look mister, i don't even know why you have a PDA in the first place, we all know what you do around here (don't do more like) and you could fit the info on a post it. but when you sit in our meetings and tap tap tap the little plastic toothpick thing on the screen, we know you're not taking notes...you're obviously trying to beat your score from last tuesday. the least you could do is stay half aware of what we're discussing, so that when you are asked a question you have some idea of what to say. sheesh.

7. writing and passing notes to your coworkers. excuse me middle aged ladies, i realize it's fun to rehash your youth, and that you feel awesome having your little inside secrets and giggles. but this is not 7th grade homeroom. oh, by the way, i can always read what you write, seeing as how you're both losing your sight and write HUGE. secret's out.

Foodie call?

I'll openly admit it: I am a reality tv junkie. I like to think that it's because i work in the field of psychology/sociology, and that reality tv serves as a fantastic case study on human behavior. but let's all be honest. i like reality tv because it's mindless entertainment without the guilt of jerry springer. a few of my favorites:

american idol
the apprentice
supernanny
survivor
fear factor
the inferno
what not to wear

as we enter this summer season, a slew of new reality shows are emerging. i caught the first episode of "hell's kitchen" last week. it was pretty good. all the major networks are debuting their most current attempts at attracting the audiences abandoned by american idol, survivor and apprentice. but even i draw a line at some point. i just witnessed a commercial for the food network's new reality show: FOODIE CALL. this show is a combination of food exploration and dating game. please tell me you already got the word play (booty call). Really? FOODIE CALL? from the network that brings us the awesome bobby flay, the classy rachel ray (rhyme not intended) we get this pathetic show?? wow.

keep in mind that i will shamelessly watch "average joe" and "joe millionare." i wouldn't miss a moment of "america's next top model" or "my big fat obnoxious fiance" and even found myself tuning in to "surreal life." so it's not like i've got major standards here. what is television coming to?

so here's my pledge: i vow to not fall prey to FOODIE CALL. cause i ain't no holla back girl...if you know what i mean.

and you can hold me to that.