Thursday, February 01, 2007

"i'm like, you know, you're biggest um, fan"

i have a pretty extensive history of saying stupid things to celebrities. which means i've met quite a few celebrities. and blown it mostly everytime.

let me qualify "celebrity." for the most part, it's "celebrity in the Christian music world," although not every time.

it actually surprises me (still) that i get so flustered and fumbly around famous people. i'm a fairly cool person (in the sense that i am way too proud to let someone know i think they're cool in any way...well, normal people) with a great vocabulary who functions really well under pressure. so why on earth did i say the following thing to Dr. Laura this very night at Walmart???

DrL: hi! nice to see you!
me: (giggle. blush.) hi
she begins signing the book i stood in line for an hour to have her sign.
me: thank you (giggle. blush)
rebeccamarie: tell her what you wanted to say
me: oh. um. well i'm my husbands...i'm his wife. and it's because of your first book. well, not your first book. i mean the book before this one. i mean, not the one just before this one, but the one that comes before this one in the series. i mean, we were married before i read it, so it's not like, um, i'm a wife because of the book...but i liked the book. (deep sigh...humiliation begins to set in)
DrL:okay. good. thanks.
me: okay. thanks, um. thank you.

this isn't the first time. when i met jars of clay i said:
JOC: hey! thanks for coming out
me: yeah, cause i really like what you guys do. i'm glad you didn't like go mainstream just cause you could get more money. i mean, i'm glad you're, you know.
JOC:well thanks. hey, i really like your nailpolish!
me: well i got it at target. i could get more.
JOC: (looks to the person next to me, waiting for me to leave)

and when i met carmen:
C: hey little lady! (i was like 6)
me: i like the one where you box. because i like boxing. because my grandpa and i watch boxing. but i don't really like the song.
C: well i'm glad you like part of it

and when i saw will smith at magic mountain
me: hey will! do the line about the sugar! MORE SUGAR!
will: (from pretty far away) that wasn't my line!

it goes on and on. i'm not kidding. trust me that the words are may even more horrible by my bright red face and fidgeting and stuttering. it reminds me of that time i was on the news and made a total fool of far reaching could this be?!?! maybe i'll call dr. laura tomorrow and ask her for some help

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rebecca marie said...

i'm pretty sure what you said was..."i'm my husband's wife... ever since your last book. the one about........ you know.... husbands."

it was awesome.

Rebecca said...

oh my word. I was laughing out loud through this whole post because these are also precisely the kinds of things I do, not that I've met very many celebrities but when you want to not sound like an idiot is precisely when your brain turns to jello and word vomit begins. At least that has been my experience. Thanks for the fun story.

Sarah said...

That was pretty funny. I'm pretty sure I'd stutter if I ever had to talk to Dr. Laura in person. She's so intimidating on the air!

Hey, will you email me at sarah parker at gmail? I have something to share with you but I can't find your email address.

BSC said...

I've met both JOC (jerks, both bastards haven't been a name since 1998! Dammit!) and Carmen was a Hasselhoffian ass, even in church. His music licks the donkey balls too.