I DID IT!!!!

it's official. at 7:48am on September 23rd 2006...


I RAN A MILE WITHOUT STOPPING!!!!!!!!

i don't care how silly this seems to anyone else. this is HUGE for me. this is the first time ever in my life that i've done this. and i'm actually really proud of myself!

HOORAY!!!!!

if i were president...

i'd make a law limiting the number of times a business can repeat their phone number in radio commercials.

similarly, the idiots that created the "head on: apply directly to the forhead" commercial would go straight to death row...do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars. i've got something i'd like to apply directly to YOUR forhead jerks!





what would you do if you were president?

step right up

okay, so i hate clowns, right? there's NOTHING alright about clowns. i'm not even going into why. you KNOW why.

so it may surprise you to hear that i have a superduper fascination with sideshow freaks. which even seems backwards because i'm so ultra sensitive about things like calling someone a "freak" or saying something is "retarded." but i am SO curious and interested in the old-time sideshow freaks.

last weekend there was a special on cable all about sideshow freaks. i didn't budge the entire hour. here's what i learned:



this is a woman who has spent most of her life squeezing herself into tighter and tighter corsets...over time it has caused her waist to look scary small...apparently there are plenty of loony women that do this all over the world...and i thought diet and working out was the way....



this is anna swan. she's the tallest woman recorded in history...nothing much to say except...8 feet is really frickin tall. you go swan...



this is princess wee wee. no, i'm totally serious. her name is princess wee wee. this isn't like those type of dwarf kids...at least i don't think so. she's like the size of a cabbage patch, only skinnier. good thing she never met those corset ladies...cause that would be creepy.



that's jojo the dogboy. he was actually highly intelligent, knew like a zillion languages and stuff, but because he respected the art of sideshow freak-ing, he would totally get on all fours and bark and howl and stuff. and it was FOR REAL (the hair, not the barking). he was completely covered in the stuff, even on his nose! imagine the profit laser hair removal companies would get if they could do a good before/after on this guy!



this is one of my favorites, even though it makes me a little queezy. her name is fannie, and she wears size 30 shoes. or, she did. i don't remember if it's elephantitis or whatever...but can you imagine??!?!?!



another one that amazes me to no end. the bearded lady. this one is from 1906. i can't get enough of these women...mostly because i just can't believe that any of them were actually chicks...their faces just always look dudish. sweet dress though. she should be careful not to catch the beard in her spokes.



i don't know this guy's name, but he's like teenwolf or something. wow. do you like, shampoo and condition the whole body? if you wanted to go blond, do you have to go ALL blond? could this guy take advantage of a 4.99 haircut?


one of many examples of conjoined twins. i ALWAYS watch the shows about these...especially if they're connected at the head. whoah. have you seen the one set where the one chick is in a wheelchair, all shrively but she wants to be a country singer, so maury pauvich makes her dream come true and she makes a music video and in the video she's singing but her other half has to wheel her around to do the dance moves?????? i saw that YEARS ago, and i still can't get over it.


this guy had three legs. that's all.




and then you've got all the classics:

longest nails.....ewwwwwwwwwwwww!


longest ear hair...."what?!?!"


longest toenails (i definately gagged at this one)


the guys who's tatooed on every inch of...every inch.


and this one just kinda freaks me out...in a good way.


don't judge me. judge them.

it's the time of the season...

i'm not sure if i've mentioned this before, but right around this time every year, i get this hardcore yearning to, what's the word for it? nest?

when the weather begins to change from summer to fall, and the later we go into fall, i desire only to stay home, clean things, decorate things, cook things, reorganize things, reinvent things, cuddle on the couch with coffee and a blanket and watch martha stewart and rachel ray.

i don't quite know what it is that sets this strangeness off in me. i love rain, so i's not as though i'm trying to get out of the weather. few things thrill me as much as the smell outside after rain. that's euphoria.

anyways, i can feel that nesting nudge sneaking up. the problem is, there just isn't any time to be at home right now...and probably not until mid november. so i find myself daydreaming about my kitchen and how much i wish i could be mopping or scrubbing or mixing ingredients for banana bread. things are SO busy at work, and the mister has been breaking records left and right at work, and has won us a trip to florida (which i'm totally excited about, can't complain. wait till i show you pictures of the place we're staying!). so, nomatter how hard i try, i can't just sit and home and play maid.

also, is anyone else addicted to QVC? they're doing this diamonique day (their line of fake diamond jewelry) for 25 hours, and i'll be honest, i've seen at least ten hours so far. i've only ordered one thing, which i'm TOTALLY excited about:



that's right. 9.6 carats of fake diamond. i'm all about it. that thing is going to ROCK on my right hand. i can hardly wait.

i just love the hosts on QVC. i get all mesmirized and sucked in. i mean, i'm already a sucker for most things that involve spending money, but you give me a southern belle talking about how THIS ring is for the woman who's snobby about jewelry...this is for the woman who's not afraid to stand out....and you've got me for life. i don't know how i've made it this long without buying way more than that one fabulous ring, i mean, the one i got was under thirty smackers, and most of the stuff i'm salivating over is under fifty. i'm shocked at my own self-control. especially in the face of these:

i'm basically a big fake diamond whore. which isn't the worst kind of whore to be, is it?

a moment of silence for the recently departed...

i'll miss you doc. i'll miss you something fierce.

dudes, i NEVER saw this coming...

rest in peace, mate