Tuesday, November 15, 2005

This has got to stop

i don't know if it's the full moon, or if i'm working out some bad karma, or if someone out there has a voodoo dol with my name on it...but this is all getting RIDICULOUS.

Let's recap: In the last month, my little brother disappeared (i never told you guys about that one...not really a light hearted approach available for that kind of situation), i fall and basically made love to some cement, thus giving me perma-limp and some seriously impressive battle scars (a battle i lost, mind you), i've been subjected to some disturbing displays of affection on mass transportation, accidentally farted in front of my boss (didn't tell you about that either...for OBVIOUS reasons) and now THIS.

today, in summary:

kids go crazy, or rather some of the parents i work with go crazy, thus creating tremendous amounts of work for yours truly. but i can handle that. i'm used to it.

a day i thought would end around 7pm (making it the 8th DAY IN A ROW that i've worked 11 hours or more, with no overtime, naturally) actually ended around 9:30pm. So i'm pretty exhausted, right? understandable, i'd say.

as i'm backing out of my parking slot at work (which is very VERY scary when it's dark, i might add) i neglect to notice a dark, short metal handrail just behind me and BAM i slam into it. the handrail is fine...in case you wanted to know. My back light is not doing so well. like, completely shattered.

okay, no big deal...i'll go home, find some boy who knows about these kinds of things, and let him fix it.

keep in mind please that my place of employment is LESS than FIVE MILES from my place of residence.

1 mile before i'm home sweet home (and in the middle of a phone call with an escalated parent) i see some pretty flashing lights.

oh, that actually means something? huh....

so i hang up on the parent, and pull over (bumping the curb as i do so, naturally)

and a very attractive policeman approaches my truck. fair enough. he says, "you've got a busted out light back there you know." "i know. i JUST did that a few minutes ago as i was leaving work." "mmhmm he says." obviously thinking i'm giving him a classic get-out-of-the-ticket line. "can i see your license, registration and insurance?" "of course." i say. i hand him my license, the registration and....and...oh no.

i switched purses this morning...to a smaller purse where my wallet won't fit. and only grabbed my debit card and license...cause what else would i really need?

"um, i just switched purses this morning...my insurance card is in the other one. but i'm only half a mile from here...i can have someone bring it to me in less than five minutes. " "mmhmm." another lie i'm sure he thinks. "don't bother having anyone bring it." "okay." i say, feeling more and more like puking.

"are you still in Clackamas?" "no, i just bought a house out here." "how long ago" "um, about 3 months i think." "you're supposed to change your drivers license within 30 days, you know." strike three. "i honestly had no idea officer. i realize this sounds completely negligent." "i'll be back in a minute."

It was not pretty.

so i arrive home a bit later, ready for a nice big glass of red wine to deal with the events of the day. i approach my door, pull out the keys....hmm, this key isn't working...maybe i just chose the wrong one...well, this key isn't working either.

well that's because i left my house key at work.


so what i need to know is...WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON?

i need answers. have you got any ideas?


Bill said...

So, did you get off with a warning, or did he give you a ticket?

Mrs. Andrea Wood said...

Have that big glass of red wine- then have an other.

That is my answer.

BSC said...

Did you reject intelligent design or something? yikes, sorry to hear about your troubles.

tabitha jane said...

i actually do have a perfect explanation:
1) the full moon (but that's not the worst)
2) mercury is in retrgrade right now. and THAT's why that series of event happened. it will be in retrograde for like 3 weeks this time and that's the longest amount of time it has been in retrograde for a while.

hope that helps!

Ghost Dog said...

I'd say the overworking caused the rest.

There is, however, the possibility that you are experiencing the effect of the Vortex of Awful. Scientists have been too busy studying the Vortex of Awesome in an effort to predict when and where people might feel its effects to devote much time to helping prevent intersections with the Vortex of Awful.

"It happens."
"What, shit?"

Breanna said...

well, i got off with warnings...which i would've said, but it just takes away from the DRAMA of it all...know what i mean?

the wine....very necessary! and very helpful (in moderation, naturally.)

mercury....um...well...damn the man, er, uh...damn the planet? oh i don't know. bah.

rebecca marie said...

i have one word.


PapaPeters said...

Hi friend, I miss you saying that to me. Hopefully soon it will happen again and despite all the stuff we slop through at least for a 5 second hug you can smile, but then I get to hug your husband for much longer...hahah
but seriously much longer

Breanna said...

Ryan, i would expect nothing less...