http://portland.craigslist.org/nco/bab/1082975729.html (go ahead, read the post)
Friday, March 20, 2009
file this one under "i wish they were my grandparents"
i mean, let's even pretend there was no recession...everyone was swimming in money. even then...WHO THE HECK IS BUYING THIS FOR THEIR CHILDREN?!?!?!
http://portland.craigslist.org/nco/bab/1082975729.html (go ahead, read the post)
http://portland.craigslist.org/nco/bab/1082975729.html (go ahead, read the post)
Thursday, March 05, 2009
we're famous! for all the wrong reasons....
hi friends. this blog post is going to be serious, and it's going to be long. but i'm asking that you read it, read the article included, and leave some feedback, because i'm needing some outside perspective. thanks.
okay, so, i've talked a bit here about the difficulty we've experienced with my father-in-law since we left the Church of Christ. i've left out a tremendous amount of detail in an attempt to show respect to the family and the situation. however, there are things i need to share, even if no one reads it, after a recent string of events. i do want to aim to be respectful and loving throughout this situation, but it is emotionally charged and i recognize that i may not succeed in that goal.
the reason i'm writing this post is because an article has been printed in a nation-wide newspaper that is sent to all churches of christ. this article is about our family, by name, and largely about why my husband and i no longer attend a CoC. please read the article in the link below:
http://www.christianchronicle.org/pdf_archive/2009-03.pdf
okay. it's not that i disagree with the article, or am angry about it. i just feel like there are so many IMPORTANT details that weren't included. i totally understand that they couldn't include so many parts of the story for the simple fact that it's an article in a newspaper, not a biography of our family. but i do feel that i want to share some of the more important details, and this is the only forum i know of to do that.
it's true that ben and i left the CoC. this occurred after a long, painful experience in the church plant we had been working with for over four years. the primary issue was that the new preacher of the church claimed that i was "barren" (as you'll recall, until the moment we discovered we were pregnant, we had been told it would be impossible) because of unforgiven sin in my life. we tried for quite awhile to bring the elders of the supporting congregation and the other leaders of the church into the situation, and received no support, no response. it was after several months of trying to work things out biblically that we decided it was time for us to leave. it was never that we were leaving the CoC...we left that specific church. following that experience, we were deeply hurt and burned out on church, and didn't go for several months. when we started visiting churches again, we went to many CoC's before ever visiting the church we now attend. we prayed about the decision and talked about it at length. it was not a decision we made lightly, especially considering ben's lifelong background in CoC. but when we began visiting City Bible (where we are now members) we felt HOME. we felt filled and fed and ministered to. we could see it was the kind of place we wanted to raise our children. God made it very clear to us that THIS WAS OUR CHURCH. and it wasn't a CoC. i'll list just a few of the many reasons we were/are drawn to our church:
1. dynamic worship, heartfelt and passionate worship that leaves space for God to truly inhabit the praises of His people
2. a major focus on community, on "doing life" together. although it's a very large congregation, they emphasize and thrive on small group communities.
3. a strong children's program
4. sermons that are absolutely bible-focused, and delivered in a tangible, real life way that makes a difference in our day to day lives
5. tremendous emphasis on giving, supporting missionaries, planting churches, serving the community around us and meeting the needs of the members of the church
6. strong accountability for each member to take responsibility for the church and their own spiritual lives, rather than depending on a preacher/leadership to do 90% of the work
7. i couldn't begin to describe the quality of the character of the people in our church. i am constantly surrounded by incredible christians who are very tuned in to God's Spirit and leading, who are living the Word rather than simply KNOWING the Word. i am surrounded by people i aspire to be, and given full access into their lives, able to see how they live, how they struggle, how they seek God and my faith is built by seeing God work powerfully in and through them.
the only drawback of this decision was knowing that ben's parents would be upset about it. we expected that. ben's dad has been a faithful preacher for the CoC for a long time now, and their family is deeply rooted in it. we did not, however, anticipate the reaction we received. it's understandable that ben's dad would be passionate about his beliefs. it is not understandable, to me, that he would say things that seemed cruel and sometimes mean. i cannot understand how he could so separate himself from from the fact that BEN IS HIS SON, and is a good man of great character and integrity. where was the benefit of the doubt? where was the "agree to disagree." where was the atmosphere of unconditional love?
this has been going on nearly two years now. i have learned, at least a little, to turn off my emotional response to the comments we receive about our decision. i have learned to stay out of it, that it is something that should be dealt with between ben and his dad. it does not hurt me any less to see my husband disrespected by his father in this way. it does not hurt me any less to know that he believes we have left THE CHURCH, rather than "a church," and to read that he is "grieved" and doesn't feel "as close" to ben any longer is a new hurt since seeing the article.
the one thing about that article that i was displeased with was that it failed to fulfill it's premise. the article, we were told, was to be about WHY some in our generation are leaving the CoC. but i saw NOTHING in the article that sufficiently addressed our reasoning. it seemed to me to be more about ben's dad, his feelings about us leaving, and all the things he had done "right" that should've kept us there.
so this is my response. we did not leave the CoC as a whole for any real reason. but there are VERY real reasons that we would never return. Namely the judgement, condemnation and rejection we have experienced from those who ought to be CLOSEST to us, who should know our hearts and see that our lives are absolutely godly and christlike. that we have been labeled and written off, to a degree, not because we've become non-christians or are living in sin, but because the sign in front of our church simply says "CITY BIBLE CHURCH" rather than "CHURCH OF CHRIST." i cannot understand why the church sign carries more weight than the lives we are living, the good things we are doing for the Kingdom. i cannot understand the one-sidedness of the conversations that have occurred, with no regard to hearing what we have to say, only wanting to be heard.
now, the majority of those things SHOULD NOT have been included in the article. i get that. but now that a whole community of people will read ABOUT US, i wanted our perspective to be heard. i sincerely didn't think anyone we knew would ever even see it, and i don't mind if they do. but it was just released yesterday, and already people are contacting us to say they've seen it. i just feel like there should be a more complete story available. the article may portray that our family experiences a lot of drama and difficulty as a result of our decision. this is not at all the case. the things that have gone on have been very quiet, sometimes unacknowledged. the end of the article says that we all came together for tim's wedding despite our differences, as if we there were any other option. let me be clear. there is a TREMENDOUS amount of love in this family. we ADORE our time together, and wish we had a lot more of it. there is no drama, no feuding. sure, my feelings are hurt, and it's been made clear that ben's dad is unhappy and unapproving of our decision. but these are not things that permiate every interaction, every family holiday or chat on the phone. had it not been for the article, i'd have left it all unsaid and felt fine about that.
we do not hate the CoC. we do not reject it. we don't think it's wrong. we're not angry at it. we feel love and community with any who follow Christ and the Word. the problem in this story is that we're not receiving the same amount of grace for making the decision God clearly led us to, for living as Christ-followers and doers of the Word.
one last thing, the author of the article has also written a blog post about it.
http://bobbyrossjr.com/2009/03/05/the-shrinking-church-why-some-leave-and-some-stay/
feel free to read it, and to leave comments if you have them. if, for some reason, you have strong feelings about any part of this situation, please be intentional about leaving comments in a loving and respectful manner. i know that some of my close friends are upset about the situation as a whole, and i am grateful that they would defend and protect me. but this is not the forum for such a response. i'd honestly like to see a productive conversation happen there about the REAL issue the article brought up....why are so many in our generation leaving the CoC? and what can be done about it?
okay, so, i've talked a bit here about the difficulty we've experienced with my father-in-law since we left the Church of Christ. i've left out a tremendous amount of detail in an attempt to show respect to the family and the situation. however, there are things i need to share, even if no one reads it, after a recent string of events. i do want to aim to be respectful and loving throughout this situation, but it is emotionally charged and i recognize that i may not succeed in that goal.
the reason i'm writing this post is because an article has been printed in a nation-wide newspaper that is sent to all churches of christ. this article is about our family, by name, and largely about why my husband and i no longer attend a CoC. please read the article in the link below:
http://www.christianchronicle.org/pdf_archive/2009-03.pdf
okay. it's not that i disagree with the article, or am angry about it. i just feel like there are so many IMPORTANT details that weren't included. i totally understand that they couldn't include so many parts of the story for the simple fact that it's an article in a newspaper, not a biography of our family. but i do feel that i want to share some of the more important details, and this is the only forum i know of to do that.
it's true that ben and i left the CoC. this occurred after a long, painful experience in the church plant we had been working with for over four years. the primary issue was that the new preacher of the church claimed that i was "barren" (as you'll recall, until the moment we discovered we were pregnant, we had been told it would be impossible) because of unforgiven sin in my life. we tried for quite awhile to bring the elders of the supporting congregation and the other leaders of the church into the situation, and received no support, no response. it was after several months of trying to work things out biblically that we decided it was time for us to leave. it was never that we were leaving the CoC...we left that specific church. following that experience, we were deeply hurt and burned out on church, and didn't go for several months. when we started visiting churches again, we went to many CoC's before ever visiting the church we now attend. we prayed about the decision and talked about it at length. it was not a decision we made lightly, especially considering ben's lifelong background in CoC. but when we began visiting City Bible (where we are now members) we felt HOME. we felt filled and fed and ministered to. we could see it was the kind of place we wanted to raise our children. God made it very clear to us that THIS WAS OUR CHURCH. and it wasn't a CoC. i'll list just a few of the many reasons we were/are drawn to our church:
1. dynamic worship, heartfelt and passionate worship that leaves space for God to truly inhabit the praises of His people
2. a major focus on community, on "doing life" together. although it's a very large congregation, they emphasize and thrive on small group communities.
3. a strong children's program
4. sermons that are absolutely bible-focused, and delivered in a tangible, real life way that makes a difference in our day to day lives
5. tremendous emphasis on giving, supporting missionaries, planting churches, serving the community around us and meeting the needs of the members of the church
6. strong accountability for each member to take responsibility for the church and their own spiritual lives, rather than depending on a preacher/leadership to do 90% of the work
7. i couldn't begin to describe the quality of the character of the people in our church. i am constantly surrounded by incredible christians who are very tuned in to God's Spirit and leading, who are living the Word rather than simply KNOWING the Word. i am surrounded by people i aspire to be, and given full access into their lives, able to see how they live, how they struggle, how they seek God and my faith is built by seeing God work powerfully in and through them.
the only drawback of this decision was knowing that ben's parents would be upset about it. we expected that. ben's dad has been a faithful preacher for the CoC for a long time now, and their family is deeply rooted in it. we did not, however, anticipate the reaction we received. it's understandable that ben's dad would be passionate about his beliefs. it is not understandable, to me, that he would say things that seemed cruel and sometimes mean. i cannot understand how he could so separate himself from from the fact that BEN IS HIS SON, and is a good man of great character and integrity. where was the benefit of the doubt? where was the "agree to disagree." where was the atmosphere of unconditional love?
this has been going on nearly two years now. i have learned, at least a little, to turn off my emotional response to the comments we receive about our decision. i have learned to stay out of it, that it is something that should be dealt with between ben and his dad. it does not hurt me any less to see my husband disrespected by his father in this way. it does not hurt me any less to know that he believes we have left THE CHURCH, rather than "a church," and to read that he is "grieved" and doesn't feel "as close" to ben any longer is a new hurt since seeing the article.
the one thing about that article that i was displeased with was that it failed to fulfill it's premise. the article, we were told, was to be about WHY some in our generation are leaving the CoC. but i saw NOTHING in the article that sufficiently addressed our reasoning. it seemed to me to be more about ben's dad, his feelings about us leaving, and all the things he had done "right" that should've kept us there.
so this is my response. we did not leave the CoC as a whole for any real reason. but there are VERY real reasons that we would never return. Namely the judgement, condemnation and rejection we have experienced from those who ought to be CLOSEST to us, who should know our hearts and see that our lives are absolutely godly and christlike. that we have been labeled and written off, to a degree, not because we've become non-christians or are living in sin, but because the sign in front of our church simply says "CITY BIBLE CHURCH" rather than "CHURCH OF CHRIST." i cannot understand why the church sign carries more weight than the lives we are living, the good things we are doing for the Kingdom. i cannot understand the one-sidedness of the conversations that have occurred, with no regard to hearing what we have to say, only wanting to be heard.
now, the majority of those things SHOULD NOT have been included in the article. i get that. but now that a whole community of people will read ABOUT US, i wanted our perspective to be heard. i sincerely didn't think anyone we knew would ever even see it, and i don't mind if they do. but it was just released yesterday, and already people are contacting us to say they've seen it. i just feel like there should be a more complete story available. the article may portray that our family experiences a lot of drama and difficulty as a result of our decision. this is not at all the case. the things that have gone on have been very quiet, sometimes unacknowledged. the end of the article says that we all came together for tim's wedding despite our differences, as if we there were any other option. let me be clear. there is a TREMENDOUS amount of love in this family. we ADORE our time together, and wish we had a lot more of it. there is no drama, no feuding. sure, my feelings are hurt, and it's been made clear that ben's dad is unhappy and unapproving of our decision. but these are not things that permiate every interaction, every family holiday or chat on the phone. had it not been for the article, i'd have left it all unsaid and felt fine about that.
we do not hate the CoC. we do not reject it. we don't think it's wrong. we're not angry at it. we feel love and community with any who follow Christ and the Word. the problem in this story is that we're not receiving the same amount of grace for making the decision God clearly led us to, for living as Christ-followers and doers of the Word.
one last thing, the author of the article has also written a blog post about it.
http://bobbyrossjr.com/2009/03/05/the-shrinking-church-why-some-leave-and-some-stay/
feel free to read it, and to leave comments if you have them. if, for some reason, you have strong feelings about any part of this situation, please be intentional about leaving comments in a loving and respectful manner. i know that some of my close friends are upset about the situation as a whole, and i am grateful that they would defend and protect me. but this is not the forum for such a response. i'd honestly like to see a productive conversation happen there about the REAL issue the article brought up....why are so many in our generation leaving the CoC? and what can be done about it?
Monday, March 02, 2009
things are getting funner-er
i can just about promise that this will be the best 40 seconds of your day.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
hijinx at 30,000 feet
hello there friends. remember me? i'll admit i've gotten distracted with my 365 blog and ALL THE OTHER THINGS GOING ON IN MY LIFE and have neglected to enrich your lives with my profound and hilarious musings.
so, i'm back in full force with an action packed, suspense filled story.
have i ever told you about the time my flight was hijacked? no, i'm being serious. it was my freshman year of college and i was on my way back to portland after being home for christmas break. i took a late flight out of LAX. the flight was fairly empty. i had a row to myself and was cozied up with a crappy airplane pillow and blanket. about thirty minutes into the flight, we felt the airplane start to turn. i looked out the window and could see us going back the other direction. the pilot came on the speaker and said something about needing to make an emergency landing back in LAX. there was no mention of the reason. we heard muffled commotion from the front of the plane. i was near the wing, so i really couldn't make out anything being said, but people started to really panic all over the plane. we all felt like something was REALLY wrong. i did the only thing i could think to do to try to calm down...i started humming and then singing to myself.
as we approached the airport, we could see dozens of vehicles with flashing lights...cop cars, fire trucks, ambulances, other "official" things i couldn't possibly name. the landing was horribly trecherous. as soon as we started to come to a stop, all the flashing lights and sirens rushed in. some sort of airport FBI dudes (or whoever it would be) came quickly on to the plane and rushed all of us out and immediately into this secret room in the airport. we had no idea what was going on. we sat in that room for several hours, not knowing what was happening. we were all hypothesizing about it, and coming up with increasingly scary potential causes.
at some point, officers came in and spoke with each of us about what we had seen or heard. they took statements from us, which was silly considering we hadn't a hint of what really went on. hours later they sent a representative to explain that some guy had tried to hijack the plane (this was just a few years before 9/11) and one of the pilots was able to somehow restrain him, but that we had to return to LAX because it was closer than continuing on to portland.
anyway, they put us on another flight in the early morning of the next day. and that was that.
i tell you this story to say something that is belated but necessary.
that guy that's trying to sue the airline for the "miracle on the hudsen" thing...i want to kick his jewels. HOW DARE HE?!? he should be licking the feet of that pilot, and writing a bucket list and righting all his wrongs. it's sickening to me that he has such selfish disrespect and lack of gratitude to try and make the situation ABOUT HIM. i didn't receive any kind of compensation. no free flight or money for damages suffered. and it never would have occurred to me to want it. i was SO GRATEFUL for the pilots who handled the situation so well and kept us all safe. i felt indebted to them, not OWED.
and there you have it. one of my best stories.
what's the scariest thing that's ever happened to you?
Sunday, January 18, 2009
the croup
although we're not pet people, we've got a little baby seal living with us presently. see, as it turns out, the croup isn't just for anne of green gables. apparently, it's alive and (not-so) well today. the poor dear is miserable, all sneezy and gooey and barky. we're becoming bff's with our local ER.
let's check the list so far:
pneumonia x 2
bronchiolitis
rsv
immunde disorder
roseola
thrush
every food allergy known to man
possible catatonic seizures (this is new)
possible cancer (but test results have been good on this so far)
not to mention your run-of-the-mill ear infections, teething misery, colds and whatever else i'm too sleep deprived to remember.
and she's only 16 months. i'm officially fed up. and if i've said that before, then i'm official MORE fed up. and tired. profoundly tired.
HOWEVER i'm also keenly aware of how blessed we are to have a sweet and particularly gorgeous little girl to cuddle.
so, i'm making a gratitude list today. because otherwise i'll just keep crying.
1. we have the single greatest pediatrician of all time
2. we have been blessed with incredibly gentle and friendly ER staff each and every time we've been there
3. we have insurance coverage. it isn't spectacular, but it's there
4. last night, while in the ER, we got to overhear some REALLY amusing conversation between the staff and a guy that was brought in because he was super duper drunk.
5. so far, a lot of the most terrifying things have turned out to be less terrifying things.
6. although it's a struggle, we're able to survive mostly on ben's income. so i don't have to get a paper route at 4am to get us by each month.
7. blues clues. i am eternally grateful for blues clues. i'm also eternally grateful that i thought to put some episodes on my ipod. this makes ER visits and painful testing more bearable for her.
8. kaia is filled with grace. even after the most painful of tests, she'll wave at the person poking at her when they leave the room. also, she keeps loving us, even though we're the ones holding her down for all this mess
9. although i don't presently feel it, there is a lot of hope. answers SURELY exist, and i'm determined to find them.
10. my husband lets me sleep in on almost every saturday. he's not really (in any way) romantic, but today i said to him "sleep is the only romance i'm interested in at this point in my life" and i really meant it. i'd take an hour of napping over jewelry or chocolate or cute new shoes any day. (although i reserve the right to retract that statement in the future, once sleep exhists more regularly again).
let's check the list so far:
pneumonia x 2
bronchiolitis
rsv
immunde disorder
roseola
thrush
every food allergy known to man
possible catatonic seizures (this is new)
possible cancer (but test results have been good on this so far)
not to mention your run-of-the-mill ear infections, teething misery, colds and whatever else i'm too sleep deprived to remember.
and she's only 16 months. i'm officially fed up. and if i've said that before, then i'm official MORE fed up. and tired. profoundly tired.
HOWEVER i'm also keenly aware of how blessed we are to have a sweet and particularly gorgeous little girl to cuddle.
so, i'm making a gratitude list today. because otherwise i'll just keep crying.
1. we have the single greatest pediatrician of all time
2. we have been blessed with incredibly gentle and friendly ER staff each and every time we've been there
3. we have insurance coverage. it isn't spectacular, but it's there
4. last night, while in the ER, we got to overhear some REALLY amusing conversation between the staff and a guy that was brought in because he was super duper drunk.
5. so far, a lot of the most terrifying things have turned out to be less terrifying things.
6. although it's a struggle, we're able to survive mostly on ben's income. so i don't have to get a paper route at 4am to get us by each month.
7. blues clues. i am eternally grateful for blues clues. i'm also eternally grateful that i thought to put some episodes on my ipod. this makes ER visits and painful testing more bearable for her.
8. kaia is filled with grace. even after the most painful of tests, she'll wave at the person poking at her when they leave the room. also, she keeps loving us, even though we're the ones holding her down for all this mess
9. although i don't presently feel it, there is a lot of hope. answers SURELY exist, and i'm determined to find them.
10. my husband lets me sleep in on almost every saturday. he's not really (in any way) romantic, but today i said to him "sleep is the only romance i'm interested in at this point in my life" and i really meant it. i'd take an hour of napping over jewelry or chocolate or cute new shoes any day. (although i reserve the right to retract that statement in the future, once sleep exhists more regularly again).
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