i'm completely useless

after months of ignoring my blog, i'm feeling compelled towards a gushing "dear diary" experience. i didn't know where else to turn.

the last 24 hours have convinced me that i am completely useless. seriously.

let's start with my trip to the grocery store where i hit an 80 year old nun with my cart. you read that right...i hit an old nun with my shopping cart. ran right into the poor dear. thankfully i burst into tears and she noticed my ever ballooning pregnant belly, and had mercy on me. when you hit a nun, is that instant damnation? who hits a nun?

then, i decided to brave the unknown...the crock pot. see, we just spent a few days with the mister's family in washington. you may or may not remember how they're basically perfect in every way, including being as humble as you can imagine. not to mention the added bonus that the sister in law is also pregnant, due 3 weeks after i am. and while i'm handling pregnancy well enough and don't yet look like a complete oily elephant, she is FLAWLESSLY pregnant...she is the pregnant women dream of, she is what men actually mean when they secretly want a wife to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. next to her i not only LOOK horrid, but i seem like a total mess. she's up at the crack of dawn baking and cleaning and planning meals for the whole family. she could not be more fabulous. which of course makes me feel like a sloppy disaster.

oh, here's the point of all of that. while we were visiting, she made "the easiest meal ever" that everyone went gaga over. it was a crockpot meal...which i keep hearing are a working woman's best friend...people have been trying to tell me since i got married that the crockpot would be my favorite thing. but i've never bothered trying it out. well, after such a delicious meal that she swore took "maybe 6 minutes" i figured it was time to give it a go.

i thought today would be a great day to try...a good holiday meal with no work involved or added oven heat...seems perfect. and i'm telling you, i followed the directions to a tee...and it's not like, oops, i forgot to plug it in or turn it on or something. i did everything exactly as indicated. i can honestly find no mistakes on my part.

8 hours later, all excited and having made a big huge deal of it to the mister, we sit down for a hearty meal to celebrate our freedom...and it's dreadful. i mean, really and horribly dreadful. how potatoes can be CRUNCHY after 8 hours in a crockpot is beyond me. if there was an award for worst 4th of july meal, i'd have it on my shelf as we speak.

again, i immediately burst into tears. apparently it's my new favorite thing. so much so that i now carry mini kleenex in my purse. at first i tried to convince myself it was just raging pregnancy hormones. but after awhile, you just can't keep turning to that excuse every time you smash into a lady of the cloth. i mean, clutzy is one thing...this is something else altogether.

my biggest fear? lots of moms keep telling me how "it just gets worse" after you have the baby. apparently, you can never be smart or organized or clean or a good cook. (unless you're rebeccamarie. somehow she beat the system)

it just feels like life itself is set against my success and hapiness these days. the cruel thing is that my DESIRE to cook has basically tripled. so maybe that's it? my cooking abilities were only sufficient for the amount of desire i previously had to actually cook...now that same amount of ability is forced to be spread out among three times as much desire?

aren't i supposed to be glowing and giddy and feeling miraculous by now?